The Crazies and Loonies and Other Crazies
by kingofpumpkins
Summary: What will happen when Kairi starts singing terribly? Riku and Sora must find something to distract her, of course, by traveling to distant worlds, such as Hogwarts, Saturday Night Live, Tales of Symphonia, or an actual storyline! AU, COMPLETE!
1. Part 1

Part I is now officially edited. And **OblivionKeeper**... the speeds near the end are correct in this version. They were incorrect in the version I originally wrote, not the other way around ;)

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The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies

Part I - Prologue _**Edited - Version 2.0**_

* * *

"What are you doing, Sora?" asked Riku. 

"I'm- jumping- rope- !-" Sora bounced.

"Sora, Sora, Sora, Sora, Sora..." Riku said frustratedly. "You do not jump rope when the audience is watching. When the audience is watching, you do that bashy thingy with your Keyblade. And why are there Search Ghosts holding the ropes as you jump?"

"Uh... they're... uh..." Sora stuttered.

Suddenly, there was a loud scream.

"Kairi!" Sora and Riku said together.

They ran to Kairi, who was on the other side of the island, and being attacked by various fans of Riku who hated Kairi - mostly teenage girls.

"Aren't you going to save me?" Kairi asked helplessly as Deranged Fangirl Number One hit her with a little anime book.

"Heck, no - I want Namine!" Riku said, bailing out.

"Sora!" Kairi whined as Deranged Fangirl Number Two drew little pictures of Kairi and tore them to pieces.

"On the one hand," Sora said, "I lose the love-of-my-fourteen-year-old-adolescent-life. On the other hand, I'll probably have many other lives (being only fourteen), and Kairi is very annoying."

"As if!" Kairi yelled, sounding very much like Alicia Silverstone. She took out a microphone and began to sing, badly. "WHEN you WALK aWAY, you DON'T hear MESAY ple-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE, oh BAAAAAAAY-beeeeeeee, don't GO! SIMple and CLEEEEEEEEEEEEEAN is the WAAAAAAAAAAAAY that you're makIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING me FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL toNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! It's HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD to let it GOOOOOOOO! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD me! WHATEver lies beYOND THIS MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORNing..."

"iamunaffectediamunaffectediamunaffected," Sora said in a mindless drone to block out Kairi's bad singing.

"Okay, that song didn't work. But I have the worst weapon EVER!" Kairi exclaimed. She began to sing perfectly: "Close your eyes and count to ten - Let's do the alphabet again - Keep wishing that this night will never end (E is for Everybody E is for Everybody)... A is for Anybody - that you wanna be tonight, B is for By the Beach - dancing in the firelight, We'll C you, C you, C you... we'll C you, C you, C you... D is for Definite - definitely coast is clear, E is for Everybody - this will be the freshest year, We'll Free you, Free you, Free you... we'll Free you, Free you, Free you..."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Sora screamed to block out the evil voice. But unluckily, it also broke his ties to the space-time continuum, and he was stuck in hypertime, frozen but still conscious, listening to Kairi sing E is for Everybody... very s-l-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-w-l-y.

"Clooooooooooooooooose yoooooooooooooour eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyes aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand coooooooooooooooooount tooooooooooooo teeeeeeeeen!" Kairi sang in v-e-r-y slow motion. "Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet's dooooooooooo theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee aaaaaaaaaaaaaaalphaaaaaaaaaaabeeeeeeeeeeeet aaaaaaaaaaagaaaaaaaain!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Sora screamed again, retying his ties to the space-time continuum.

"Keepwishingthatthisnightwillneverend (Eisforeverybody-Eisforeverybody)" Kairi sang... very, very quickly. Now Sora was moving super-slow instead of super-fast.

Sora screamed so loud and for so long that there is no letter that could be repeated long enough to describe it. And the space-time continuum shattered...

* * *

There you have it, Part I is officially edited. Hopefully I'll have everything edited by the 16th, and then I can have Part V up by the 18th. Ciao for now! 


	2. Part 2

Here's part II! Come on, click that review button, everyone:)

The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies

Part II - Sora, Riku, and the Big, Big Castle **_Edited - Version 2.0_**

Sora appeared in a gray void of nothingness. An echoing voice said to him, "Hello! (hello hello) Can you hear me? (hearme hearme) You will be sent (besent besent) on a journey (journey journey) to shut (shut shut) Kairi (kairi kairi) up! (up up)"

Sora was confused. "Elaborate, aborate, aborate," he said, making the echoey sounds himself.

"You and Riku (Riku Riku) will be sent on various (various various) er... _quests_ (_quests quests_) to befriend people so that they (they they) will give you (giveyou giveyou) various items (items items) that will help shut (shut shut) Kairi (kairi kairi) up! (up up)"

Sora decided he liked making the echoey noises. "Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay..."

* * *

Suddenly, Sora appeared in front of a BIG castle, with Riku beside him. "Is this where we're supposed to go, go, go, go, go, go, go?" Sora asked, still making an echoey sound. 

"Shaddup, Sora," Riku said irritably. "Kairi's **your** girl. I'm not involved at all, but they still drag me along like a wet blanket."

"Riku," Sora said seriously and in a monotone. "I'm going to tell you something important that may change your entire life. I am serious, and I _am_ telling the truth."

"What?"

"Riku," Sora held the suspense... "You _are_ a wet blanket." Sora burst into laughter.

Riku punched Sora on the shoulder.

"Ow!"

"That's what you get for messing with the Riku," Riku said.

"Oh, puh-lease," Sora said. "I know that you're trying to be cool. But you look like a fool to me." He burst into song. "Tell me! Why'd ya have to go and make things so com-pli-ca-ted? I see the way you're, acting like you're somebod-y else gets me frustrated. Life's like this, you: ya fall and ya crawl and ya break and ya take whatcha get and ya turn it into, Honestly you promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it... no, nooo, no."

Riku fake-punched, and Sora dodged.

"Two for flinching," Riku tormented. "By the way: you sing worse than Kairi."

"Well," Sora said before bursting into song: "'Cause we lost it all, nothing last for-e-ver, _I'm sorry I can't be perfect_!" And with that, Sora tackled Riku and nothing but a big pile of dust was visible.

ONE HOUR LATER

Sora and Riku were still fighting.

TWO HOURS LATER

Still fighting.

THREE HOURS LATER

Guys, can you stop fighting? I'm running out of time cards!

"Did you hear that?" Riku asked, swiftly avoiding Sora's amazing wedgie power. "The author is running out of time cards."

"AWW..." Sora whined. "I wanted to give you my Amazing Atomic Aerial Allegedly Anger-based And Annoying Artificially Abiotic Wedgie!"

"Sora!"

"OK..."

Suddenly a boy with dark hair, a little red lightningbolt scar on his forehead, and a stick in his hand walked up. "Are you new students?"

"Uh... I guess," Riku said. "I'm Riku, and this is Sora."

"I'm Harry Potter," the boy said.

Riku, Sora, and Harry Potter stood there doing nothing for a few seconds.

"Wow. You two are the only people I've met who didn't stare at my scar when they met me," Harry said.

"Why would we stare at your scar?" Sora asked naively.

"You must be Muggle-born, right?" Harry asked.

"Uh... Muggle?" Riku asked.

"Non-magic," Harry said casually.

"I can do magic," Sora said. He took out his Keyblade and aimed it at a tree. "Fire!" he cried, alighting the tree.

"Wow," Harry said. "We have to use the word Incendio to burn things. You must be _really_ magical, being able to break free of J. K. Rowling's rigid Latin spells."

"Who's J. K. Rowling?" Riku asked.

"She's the author. See, there she is now!" Harry pointed at a giant hand coming from the blue sky and grabbing Malfoy's underpants,which not onlygave himhim a huge wedgie,but also dangledhim from the sky.

"Wow," Sora said. "We better not make her mad."

"Ow!" Malfoy cried. His underpants tore, resulting in him falling ten miles, and hitting the ground with a dull SPLAT!

"Oops," a booming female voice with a distinctly British accent said from the general direction of the giant hand.

"You're right, Sora," Riku said amazedly.

"..." Harry said. "I forgot my line." He pulled out a book entitled The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies and read through it. "According to this, I'm supposed to bring you into the castle to see Professor Dumbledore."

"Who's Professor Stumbledore?" Sora asked.

"Dumbledore," Harry corrected.

* * *

"Who are these two boys?" Dumbledore asked. 

"The blue-haired one-" Harry began.

"SILVER!" yelled Riku.

"Yes, the blue-haired one-SILVER! is Riku," Harry continued, "and the brown-haired one-SILVER! is Sora."

"Why are you here?" Dumbledore asked Sora.

"Well..." Sora began speaking VERY quickly, "I was jumping rope. And then Riku walked up to me, and then we went to our friend Kairi, who was being beaten up by crazed Riku fanatics with little anime books. So Riku went to go see Namine - she's another friend - and I couldn't decide whether to save Kairi or not,k on accound of the fact that she's so annoying. And then Kairi started singing badly, and I didn't mind, and then she started singing _E is for Everybody_, and-"

"The fiend!" Dumbledore exclaimed.

"-and so, then, I accidentally shattered the space-time continuum with my screams of agony, and I got sent to this empty place, where this voice said some stuff."

And then he got to the important part: "And now we're here."

"Strange..." Dumbledore mused.

"I didn't understand a word he said," Harry said, "but I think that he and Riku are new students."

"You are correct... I think," Dumbledore said. "Riku, Sora, what are your ages?"

"I'm 14," Sora said.

"I'm 15," Riku said.

"Are you sure?" Dumbledore asked.

"It says so in the manual, so it must be true," Sora and Riku said simultaneously. Suddenly, Sora burst out with "Jinx-you-owe-me-a-soda!"

"What's a soda?" Dumbledore asked. "Anyway, that means that Sora is a fourth-year, and Riku is a fifth-year."

"What's a fourth-year?" Sora asked.

"What's a fifth-year?" Riku asked.

"Years of Hogwarts," Dumbledore said simply. "There are seven. In this school, you'll learn magic! Hooray!"

"I can already do magic," Sora said. He pulled out his Keyblade, and-

"NO," Riku said firmly. "We don't want you setting the school on fire with your fire spell, do we? Repeat after me: No fire."

"No... FIRE!" Sora exclaimed, a flame coming out of his Keyblade.

"Frostio!" Dumbledore cried with his little stick in the air, destroying the fire.

"Professor Dumbledore!" Harry cried. "That's not J. K. Rowling's ice spell! You're supposed to keep with J. K. Rowling's rigid Latin spells, or else we could be going around with our wands saying, 'Pack!' and stuff packing themselves up... no, wait, a certain Nymphadora Tonks did that in Chapter 3, page 53 of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix... that has emotionally scarred me for life!" And with that, he burst into tears.

"Harry, Harry, Harry, Hairy Potter!" Dumbledore reprimanded.

"My names, not Hairy," Hairy whimpered.

"Yeah," Dumbledore said thoughtfully, "but I always wanted to call you Hairy Potter. Almost as much as I've wanted to call Hermione 'Her-hiney'."

"Really?" Hairy sobbed.

"Really," Dumbledore reassured.

"Really really?" Hairy cried.

"Really really."

"Really really really?"

"Yes, yes, really really really."

"Okay, then, you won't mind me calling you..." Hairy said, stopping for dramatic effect.

Hairy paused for dramatic effect.

Hairy paused for dramatic effect again.

"The line is in The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies," Dumbledore reminded Hairy.

"I know!" Hairy burst out. "I was just pausing for dramatic effect!"

Hairy paused for dramatic effect.

"What was the line?" he asked.

Dumbledore whispered something to Hairy.

"Professor Stumble-dore!" Hairy said in the tone of voice one might use to say, "Oh my gosh! The ancient lost city of Atlantis!"

"Oh my gosh! The ancient lost city of Atlantis!" Hairy added.

"That's not the line!" Professor Stumbledoor was angered.

"Yeah, it is!" Hairy cried out. "It says it just under my 'Professor Stumble-dore!' line!"

"Oh, puh, LEASE!" Stumbledore said, sounding like a snobby teenage girl. "Let's just think up some insulting names for those two!"

"How about 'Sorina' and..." Hairy said thoughtfully. "...I can't think of anything insulting for Riku. I can't think of anything insulting about Riku. It's almost like he's the perfectest, most bestest person ever, ever, ever, ever, ever!"

"That's exactly how I feel!" Stumbledore outbursted.

"How about..." Hairy thought for a while. "How about we just call Riku 'Riku'?"

"That's fine with me," 'Riku' said.

"That's fine with him," Sorina echoed.

'Riku' slapped Sorina upside the head.

"What was that for?" Sorina demanded.

"For bein' an idiot!" 'Riku' cried out.

"Okay," Sorina agreed.

"Are we all crazies and loonies and... other crazies?" Hairy asked.

"Of course!" Stumbledoor cried out. "That's why it's called The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies! It's not called what I want it to be called, which is The Best Man in the Entire World, His Long Name, and the School That He is the Headmaster At: The Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbledore Story!"

Everyone stared at him in amazement.

"What?" Stumbledoor asked. "It's been my lifelong dream to have a story named after me!"

"Uh..." Sorina said.

"Uh..." 'Riku' said.

"Uh..." Hairy said.

"Uh..." Stubledoor said.

"You're not supposed to say that!" Hairy, Sorina, and 'Riku' cried out simultaneously.

"How was I supposed to know?" Stumbledore replied defensively.

"Well," 'Riku' pointed out, "perhaps by actually reading thestory before we act this out? For example, I know that you give us a-"

"NO, NO, NO!" cried out the author. "I told you, 'Riku'! You're not supposed to read past when you go into the dorms!"

"Sorry," 'Riku' replied meekly.

"By the way," the author added, "good work, Hairy, on thinking up that awesome evil make-fun-of-Sorina name for Sorina. Now we just need an awesome evil make-fun-of-Kairi name for Kairi. How about... Smiley?"

"Nope," 'Riku' replied. "She doesn't smile that much."

"She smiles when she's with me," Sorina pointed out. "...I wonder why. Ouch!" 'Riku' had attacked Sorina with his Soul Eater. Then the Soul Eater turned into a dementor and ate everbody's souls.

"NO!" cried out the author. "It's supposed to turn into a harmless flobberworm."

The dementor turned into a harmless flobberworm and everybody's souls went into their bodies... but...

"'Riku'!" 'Riku' yelled. Now Sorina was in his body.

"Stop fighting, young ones!" Hairy cried; Stumbledore was in him.

"This is obviously the work of Voldemort," Sorina said. Three guesses to who was in him.

"Top o' the morning to ya," Stumbledore said; he had the soul of some Irish guy who was born in the Netherlands, but later moved to France. Irish-guy-from-the-Netherlands-who-moved-to-France now had Riku's soul in him.

Malfoy rushed into Stumbledore's office.

"Get out of my office, Doofus Malfoy!" boomed Stumbledore/Hairy.

"But I'm Hermione," cried Doofus.

"Okay," Stumbledore/Hairy replied. "Get out of my office, Her-hiney!"

"But this bubble butt is Malfoy's, not mine!" Hermione/Malfoy protested.

"So?" Stumbledore/Hairy asked evilly.

"So, he's fat!" Her-hiney cried.

"Bwahahahahahahahahaa!" Sorina/'Riku', Stumbledore/Hairy, Hairy/Sorina, and Irish-guy-from-the-Netherlands-who-moved-to-France/Stumbledore all laughed.

A blond-haired boy ran into the room.

"Go away!" everyone said simultaneously. "YOU'RE NOT IN THIS FANFIC! YOU'RE NOT EVEN IN KINGDOM HEARTS UNTIL KINGDOM HEARTS 2 TAKES PLACE, WHICH IT HASN'T!"

"Okay," the blond-haired kid agreed. "But I'm still bugging you until you put me in the Fic."

Suddenly, J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand thrust herself through the roof (going through it instead of breaking it), grabbed the blond-haired kid, and attempted to pull him out... resulting in the roof breaking; she then set him down on the Quidditch pitch. She quickly went to France and grabbed Riku's-mind-in-Irish-guy-from-the-Netherlands-who-moved-to-France, and took him to Hogwarts. Then the-author-of-this-Fic-the-giant-foot began playing soccer (aka football, for all you readers from the UK or Australia or whatever) with various other FanFic authors who were manifested as feet, with the blond-haired-kid as the ball.

"NO!" the-author-the-giant-foot cried out. "If we use him for soccer, we might injure him for life, thus altering the plot of Kingodm Hearts 2, which hasn't come out yet!"

"NOOOOO!" all the other authors-manifested-as-feet cried out in lots of emotional, mental pain.

The-author-the-giant-foot thought for a second, then said, "Let's use Malfoy's body as the ball, Sorina's body for one goal, 'Riku''s body for the umpire-"

"There's no umpire in soccer!" yelled one-random-author-manifested-as-a-foot.

"Okay... 'Riku''s body as the score-keeper-guy, um... and Irish-guy-from-the-Netherlands-who-moved-to-France's body for the other goal."

"NOOOO!" all the authors said. One then piped up, "That's Riku's mind in there! We could upset the 94 percentof female fans and 46 percentof male fans who only play the games because of Riku! We can't lose... let's see... and average of 70 percentof KH's fans!"

"Yeah," agreed the author-manifested-as-a-foot. "We can't lose 70 percentof fans... Kingdom Hearts is sacred! It has rules! Just like lunch!"

All the other authors-manifested-as-feet-and-/-or-hands stared at the-author-manifested-as-a-foot.

"What?" the-author-manifested-as-a-giant-foot said.

Suddenly an-author-manifested-as-a-foot screeched in pain. "YOU... YOU CAN'T USE THE WORD... I CAN'T EVEN **SAY** 'SAID'!" She cried out in pain from her utteral of the word 'said'.

"NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" another-random-author-manifested-as-a-foot yelled, kicking the-author-who-reacts-badly-to-the-word-said. "Just because I don't have hands doesn't mean I can't beat you with this little anime book!

"Okay, STOP!" the-author-manifested-as-a-foot cried out. "We're supposed to follow the adventures of Riku and Sora... but mostly Riku. We're just doing the Sora thing because if we didn't, we might lose 5.3 percentof female fans and 53.2 percentof male fans, which is 29.5 percentof all fans! We can't lose that many fans! Of course, we _can_ lose the .25 percentof fans that like Kairi (ick) and the .25 percentof fans that like Namine (double-ick)..."

WE ARE NOW GOING BACK IN TIME. PLEASE FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS OR RISK FALLING OUT OF THE TIME-TRAVELLING WORDS. PLEASE READ PART III FOR WHAT HAPPENES AFTER WE FINISH TIME-TRAVELLING. OR, YOU CAN JUST IGNORE THIS FANFIC, RESULTING IN YOUR UTTER DEMISE. YEAH. DEMISE IS GOOD. DEMIIISE...

* * *

There you have it, Part II is officially edited. Hopefully I'll have everything edited by the 16th, and then I can have Part V up by the 18th. Ciao for now!


	3. Part 3

Here comes part III! Keep on clicking that review button, people! Feed me!

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**Vera-Chan aka Arwen**: Well, trust me, that song is ANNOYING. Very pesky. And don't worry... as implied in Part II, the story actually focuses on _Riku_ instead of Sora :) And of course some people like Kairi: .25 percent of them :P You'll see exactly how many people that is when you read this chapter. ;) And don't worry, parts IV and later are probably much less complex than II and III. ;)

**thekeybladegirl**: Yeah, that was confusifying for me, too. It's been simplified a bit in this chapter, and... well, NO, I'm not gonna spoil it when you have the chapter right there in front of you :P

BTW, everyone, I noticed a whole bunch of typos and stuff in the first two Parts, plus I forgot to put the disclaimer in those Parts :P So I'm going to try and fix all that before I start Part IV... or maybe I'll do it after IV or V. I've got to get Sora and Riku out of Hogwarts (hopefully) before July 16, and they leave in... no, I won't tell you which Part:P

**DISCLAIMER**: Unfortunately, pretty much the only thing in this fic that I own is the Irish-guy-from-the-Netherlands-who-moved-to-France. I don't even own the two deranged fangirls... those are actually based on two of my best friends :P I'm especially unhappy that I don't own Riku, Dumbledore, Hermione (who, strangely, barely appears in this fic... and Ron is never mentioned yet :P), Hogwarts, and fighting-with-J.-K.-Rowling. :(

Oh, and BTW, I won't be updating -or- writing on July 16, 17, and 18, due to the release of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Hopefully before then I'll finish the portion of the fic that takes place in Hogwarts, thus avoiding any inconsistencies that Half-Blood Prince may cause :)

NOTE: In case you haven't noticed, if I say, for example, Sora/Riku, that means Sora-in-Riku's-body. Just to clarify :)

* * *

The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies

Part III - Craziness, Looniness, and... Other Craziness Continues

"Okay," the blond-haired kid agreed. "But I'm still bugging you until you put me in the Fic."

Suddenly, J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand thrust herself through the roof (going through it instead of breaking it), grabbed the blond-haired kid, and attempted to pull him out... resulting in the roof breaking, which resulted in the others never seeing him again... until _Kingdom Hearts 2_, of course.

"How do we get back to normal?" asked Sora/Riku.

"Well, uh..." Dumbledore/Harry began.

"What?" Harry/Sora asked eagerly.

"We have to get that dementor to appear again, so that it can jumble our souls again. Eventually, all our souls should be back in the correct bodies," Dumbledore/Harry replied. "However, it could take hours. Or days. Or weeks. Or years. Or decades. Or centuries. Or millenia. Or..."

"Okay, okay, a very long time," Sora/Riku said, bending down to pick up the harmless flobberworm that used to be the Soul Eater.

"Oops," murmured the-author-manifested-as-a-giant-foot. He snapped his toes (which was particularly difficult to do), and the harmless flobberworm transformed back into the Soul Eater.

"Why are you manifested as a foot?" Sora/Riku asked the author.

"'Cause I liiiiiiiike it," the author replied.

"Er..." mumbled everyone present who was British.

"Uh..." mumbled everyone present who wasn't British.

"What?" the author asked innocently.

"Aaanyhoo," began Sora/Riku. "Last time, it turned into the dementor when Riku hit me. So maybe I just need someone to hit me. Harry-in-me, hit me."

Harry/Sora took the Soul Eater and whacked Sora/Riku, snapping his arm with a painful-sounding THUD.

Suddenly Sora/Riku's arm magically restored itself to normal. "Wha?" Sora/Riku muttered.

"Riku's body - and mind - have been granted immunity from injury," began the author, "because if he were mentally or physically injured, that would upset 94 percent of female fans and 46 percent of male fans. We can't do that."

"There's no dementor," Harry/Sora noted.

"Perhaps it only appears if the body that Riku's mind is in hits the body that Sora's mind is in," Dumbledore/Harry thought aloud.

"So we need-" Sora/Riku began.

"-my body," finished Irish-guy-from-the-Netherlands-who-moved-to-France/Dumbledore finished.

---

Riku/Irish-guy-from-the-Netherlands-who-moved-to-France was now in Hogwarts, courtesy of some plane tickets and an unscheduled running of the Hogwarts Express. Riku/blah-blah-blah then-

"HEY!" cried out Irish-blah-Netherlands-blah-France/Dumbledore. "You're shortening me!"

"No duh," replied the author. "Don't you have a real name?"

"Of course!" answered blah-blah-blah/Dumbledore. "It's MacDougal MacCorben MacHines."

"Doesn't MacHines spell... machines?" asked the author.

"So?" replied blah-blah-blah.

"Just gimme!" Riku/blah-blah-blah grabbed the Soul Eater and whacked Sora/Riku. The Soul Eater turned into a dementor, switched everyone's souls, turned back to normal, blah blah blah.

"Roll check!" Harry said. "Riku: Here!"

"Sora: Here!" Big-Butt Malfoy ran in.

"Grand Lord of Hogwarts, Malfoy: Here!" Sora exclaimed pompously.

"Dumbledore: Here!" Riku shouted. "And I believe _I_ am the Grand Lord of Hogwarts, not you, Mr. Malfoy."

"Hermione: Here!" Dumbledore yelled.

"Harry: Here!" Hermione ran in and... something else other than "said".

"Irish-guy-...-France!" exclaimed J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand.

"J. K. Rowling!" shouted the blond-haired kid.

"I'm the blond-haired kid," announced Irish-blah-France, "and I can use these words to say that my name is-"

"NOOOOOOO!" yelled the-author-in-himself. "WE CANNOT KNOW UNTIL THE TIME IS RIGHT! OR... UNTIL _THE PRICE IS RIGHT_(c)!"

"Okaaaay," everyone murmured incoherently.

Riku/Harry took the Soul Eater and was about to hit Sora/Malfoy, but...

Harry/Hermione seemed to be throwing a tantrum.

"What's wrong?" Dumbledore/Riku asked.

"I always wanted to do that to Malfoy," replied Harry/Hermione, "and now someone else just waltzes into my body and has your permission to do that to Malfoy! It's just not fair!"

"So?" Dumbledore/Riku asked. "Many things aren't fair. Baldness isn't fair. Teachers who can't get a date aren't fair. Tofu isn't fair."

Harry/Hermione was confused. "What?"

"I don't know."

"But you just said that!"

"I still don't know."

"But-"

"I still still don't know."

Harry/Hermione groaned loudly. "Just whack him."

And Riku/Harry did, indeed, "whack" Sora/Malfoy.

---

Eventually, everyone had been put in everyone else's body, so there was no place to put them except their own body. So, indeed, the dementor put them in their own bodies.

"Indeed!" Dumbledore sang. "Indeedydeedy deedydeedydee-ee-dee-ee-ee, ee-ee, ee-ee, ee, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Wow, Professor Dumbledore," Harry remarked. "I didn't know you could sing opera."

"There's a lot you don't know about me," replied Dumbledore. "Like this." He took a hat off a hat rack and placed it on Sora's head.

Suddenly, Sora wasn't there. Instead there was an old man, bald, with liver spots.

"I don't feel any different," the man said. "What's it supposed to do?"

"I think it worked," Riku laughed.

Dumbledore took the hat off Sora and put it on Riku.

Nothing happened.

"That's weird," Dumbledore said. "This is designed to show a person what they'll look like when they're sixty-something."

"Maybe I'm too good-looking for the hat to work," Riku bragged.

Dumbledore took the hat off Riku and put it on himself.

Suddenly, Dumbledore was replaced by a much, much younger man who was bald with liver spots. The man also had a rather pudgy belly.

"Wow," Harry said, "You really let yourself go!"

"Hey!" Dumbledore cried out reprimandingly. "It was the 70's!"

"But..." Harry thought aloud, "J. K. Rowling (what DO those initials stand for?) said that you're about 150 or 160, so... that can't be right."

"1870's!" Dumbledore admitted. "But who cares?" He pulled off the hat and placed it back on the hat rack.

"By the way," J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand remarked, "My name is really-"

"NOOO!" the-author-manifested-as-a-foot cried out. "THEY CANNOT KNOW! THEY ALREADY KNOW TOO MUCH, KNOWING THAT YOU EXIST AND THAT YOU WROTE THEM!"

J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand punched the-author-manifested-as-a-foot.

The-author-manifested-as-a-foot kicked J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand.

The-two-authors-manifested-as-a-foot-and-a-hand kept fighting-

The-two-authors-manifested-as-a-hand-and-a-foot kept fighting-

The-two-authors-manifested-as-a-foot-and-a-hand kept fighting-

The-two-authors-manifested-as-a-hand-and-a-foot kept fighting-

"Stop altering my story!" exclaimed the-author-manifested-as-a-foot and J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand.

"Stop altering my story!" exclaimed J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand and the-author-manifested-as-a-foot.

"STOP!" both-authors-manifested-as-various-body-parts yelled.

J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand picked up a pen, while the-author-manifested-as-a-foot grew fingers on his ankles and picked up a keyboard.

"You're no match for me!" J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand remarked.

"Bring it on, Shirley," the-author-manifested-as-a-foot replied.

"J. or K. stands for Shirley?" Harry asked.

"How can J or K stand for something that starts with an S?" J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand replied, slapping Harry upside the head.

"Ow!" Harry cried in pain.

"This is fun!" shouted J.-K.-Rowling-the-giant-hand.

Everyone crowded around Harry and began slapping him upside the head.

"This is fun!" shouted everyone.

The-author-manifested-as-a-giant-foot changed himself into a hand and began slapping Harry across the head. "This is just like hitting my friend back home!" he laughed.

"Hey!" cried angrily the-author's-friend-inserted-into-the-Fic-and-manifested-as-the-portion-of-the-brain-known-as-the-medulla-aka-brain-stem.

"Okay, okay," the author sighed. "Presto Jones!"

The-author's-friend-manifested-as-a-brain-stem began to glow with a strange white light, and transformed into a bowl of bran cereal.

"HEY!" cried out the bowl of bran cereal.

"Mmm... bran," Dumbledore said, licking the bowl of bran cereal.

"AAAUUUGGGHHH!" cried the bowl of bran cereal.

"Ow! My spleen!" screamed the bowl of bran cereal.

"Shut up," said Deranged-Fangirl-Number-One-manifested-as-a-ball-of-light. "O, M, G... RRRRRIIIIIKKKKKUUUUU!" she shrieked.

The ball of light began to circle obsessively around Riku; at the same time, Deranged-Fangirl-Number-Two-manifested-as-a-ball-of-light seemed to be attempting to literally "kick Sora's a".

Once successful (because Sora was on the floor), ball-of-light-number-two began to circle around Riku as well, 'taking a page out of' ball-of-light-number-one's 'book'.

"Speaking of books," ball-of-light-number-two remarked, "my FanFic has reached 365 trillion 685 billion 934 million 218 thousand 425 point 33 1/3 pages! Yay! My obsession! Hoo-rah! ...carrots."

"What?" the-author-manifested-as-a-hand asked. "I thought you were the only one of us who was the slightest bit sane! ...Except for the whole obsession-with-Riku thing..."

"I have fans?" Riku asked, smoothing out his hair.

Sora punched Riku. "Why don't I have fans?" he cried desperately.

"Actually, you do," the author said. "Oh, people!" he called.

Millions of people crowded into Hogwarts.

"These are Riku's fans." the author explained.

Dozens of people crowded into the rest of Hogwarts.

"These are Sora's fans," the author continued as Sora started hitting on a couple of girls in Riku's fan club, who glared at him angrily.

Five people fell through the roof.

"And thesea re Kairi's fans."

Ball-of-light-number-one turned red, formed arms and legs (but no head), and began to whack the Kairi fans with little anime books made of light.

"Ow!" all the Kairi fans cried. "Stop it!"

"Not until you stop worshipping Kairi!"

"We don't worship her," cried to two girls in the group of Kairi fans.

"Uhm..." mumbled the three guys in the group of Kairi fans.

Ball-of-light-number-one got so mad that she exploded. "Ow..." mumbled the remains.

"Stop!" ball-of-light-number-two cried out. "Just think of Riku!"

The remains of ball-of-light-number-one formed back into a ball of light.

"Now just... don't think of Kairi. Don't think about Kairi. Don't think about Kairi..." ball-of-light-number-two seemed to be trying to hypnotize ball-of-light-number-one.

Ball-of-light-number one exploded again.

"Okay, nobody say-" ball-of-light-number-two began.

Ball-of-light-number-one awoke.

"-Kairi," ball-of-light-number-one finished.

Ball-of-light-number-one fainted.

"Wow. All you said was-" the author began.

Ball-of-light-number-one awoke.

"-Kairi."

Ball-of-light-number-one fainted.

"Is this the costume party?" asked Parvati Patil, who had just run in wearing a costume of... you guessed it, Kairi.

Ball-of-light-number-one awoke, tore Parvati Patil to (literal) pieces, then fainted.

"Kairi!" screamed the group of Kairi fans. "KAIRI KAIRI KAIRI KAIRI KAIRI KAIRI KAIRIKAIRIKAIRIKAIRIKAIRIKAIRI!"

Ball-of-light-number-one awoke, tore the group of Kairi fans to (literal) pieces, then fainted.

Suddenly a man with good hair and his pregnant wife walked in.

"Contraction," gasped the wife.

"Do the breathing," replied the man.

(Whoo, whoo, whee! Whoo, whoo, whee!) breathed the wife.

"We will, we will, rock you," murmured the man in time to the breathing.

"What does that have to do with this?" Riku asked.

"This isn't the Tanner household?" asked the man with good hair.

"Oh, no!" the author exclaimed worriedly. "Bringing all these fans here must have broken down the walls of all the worlds, thus bringing Uncle Jesse and Becky from _Full House_ (courtesy of Lorimar Television and Warner Bros. Television Distribution) all the way to Hogwarts from _Harry Potter_ (courtesy of J. K. Rowling and Warner Bros.)!"

"Me and my mom have a bet," cried out a girl, walking in, "on which smells worse: my sneakers or my clogs?"

The author sighed. "Kimmie Gibbler."

"That's my name, don't wear it out!" Kimmie replied.

"Back, back to the swamp from whence you came," Uncle Jesse shoved Kimmie out the door. "...The sneakers."

"All right!" Kimmie exclaimed. "I win a bag of roadkill! I gotta go to the dump so I can shoot it!"

"Uh..." everyone mumbled who wasn't British.

"Er..." everyone mumbled who was British.

The author took this opportunity to send everyone back to their original worlds, except himself, his friend, and the two Deranged Fangirls.

"Yay! We're still here!" cried out the two Deranged Fangirls.

"Oops."

Poof! The two Deranged Fangirls poofed back to Earth along with the author's friend.

"Where are Sora and Riku?" asked Dumbledore.

"Uh..."

A pan-dimensional scream that sounded like Sora echoed across all worlds: "TTTHHHEEE SSSIIINNNGGGIIINNNGGG! AAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Whoopsie," the author 'oopsed', and-

"Is that even a word?" Deranged Fangirl Number Two asked, poofing back long enough to ask.

"No, it's not. Go away," replied the author, and poofed her to Earth and Sora and Riku out of Destiny Islands. ...Or vice versa.

Sora and Riku appeared on Earth, but that's not important quite yet. YET.

Anyway, so another pan-dimensional scream echoed across all worlds, this time sounding like Kairi: "OOOWWW! SSSTTTOOOPPP TTTHHHAAATTT! OOOWWW! TTTHHHAAATTT'SSS NNNOOOTTT SSSUUUPPPOOOSSSEEEDDD TTTOOO BBBEEENNNDDD TTTHHHAAATTT WWWAAAYYY!"

...And yet another pan-dimensional scream echoed, this time sounding like Riku: "SSSTTTOOOPPP TTTHHHAAATTT, YYYOOOUUU DDDEEERRRAAANNNGGGEEEDDD FFFAAANNNGGGIIIRRRLLL (with an impressive anime book collection)! III'MMM NNNOOOTTT OOOLLLDDD EEENNNOOOUUUGGGHHH TTTOOO DDDAAATTTEEE (despite what Kairi thinks)!"

"Whoopsie!"

The author yet again rearranged what worlds people were in, and accidentally found his arm being bent backwards behind his leg and threaded through his ribs by... Deranged Fangirl Number Two. On Mars.

"Sorry," Deranged Fangirl Number Two said. But then she screeched, "NNNOOO... TTTHHHAAATTT WWWOOORRRDDD..." And then: "I'm meeelting... meeeeeelting..."

"Ew," the author said, snapping his fingers. Everyone appeared on their original worlds, except that the author, Sora, and Riku appeared in Hogwarts. And Deranged Fangirl Number Two unmelted, because it would be weird for a melted blob to be stalking Riku.

* * *

Part IV should be up in a couple days. I think this was probably the most random chapter so far :P

Click that review button, everyone:)


	4. Part 4

Feast in the delight of Part IV :P

**AnimeDutchess**: I know, it's funny :) Never fear, an update is here!

**OblivionKeeper**: sigh How rude. (It's OK for me to talk to her like that 'cause she's Deranged Fangirl Number Two and if she gets mad I can always cut her from the fic :P)

**hurkydoesntknow**: Yeah, I know, it stands for Joanne Kathleen Rowling. DYK that Kathleen was JKR's grandmother's name :P And yes, it is hilarious, isn't it :)

**DISCLAIMER**: I do not own anything depicted in this Fic, blah blah, blah, etcetera, etcetera. So don't sue me. Ya hear?

After this chapter is uploaded, I'll be working on purging typos from Parts I, II, III, and IV. ;) _Then_ I'll update ;)

NOTE: I had to be a little bit evil to Riku in the chapter, but only to advance the story. But it's OK, because it's really _Sora_ being evil :P

WARNING: Lots of Kairi-bashing throughout, some Sora-bashing, some McDonald's-food-bashing. And a small bit of humorous, story-advancing Riku-bashing (gets beaten up by Riku fans)

* * *

The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies

Part IV - A New Hope (No, Wait, That's _Star Wars_!)

Riku, the author, and Sora appeared in Hogwarts. In Dumbledore's office, Sora and Riku held slips of paper showing the House they would best fit into. ...Sort of.

"Slythedor?" Riku asked.

"The House for those who are kind of evil, but also good," stated the author.

"Uh... Idiodumb?" Sora asked.

"Oh, sorry. Wrong House," the author replied, handing Sora another slip of paper.

"Lookatme Iamthe Purplesandwichmonster," read Sora.

Riku laughed. "I didn't know you were the Purple Sandwich Monster! Why didn't you tell me?"

"What?" Sora was confused.

"Never mind," the author corrected himself. "Your house is Idiodumb, Sora."

"Is that Latin or something?" Sora asked.

"Uh... you might say so," the author replied, rolling his eyes. He then muttered to Riku, "It's lucky I scripted this whole story, or Sora would be driving me up the wall."

"What, are you immune to gravity?" Sora panicked. "I'll help you. GRAVITY!"

"Ow," ow-ed the pancake that was once the author.

"Wow," said Riku in awe. "I never knew one spell could squish an auhtor that's almost as amazing as... well, _me_!"

"Okay, Mr. Brag-a-lot," is what Sora meant to say. But the author decided to twist his words for plot reasons, making Sora say:

"---- you, Riku," Sora said.

"WHAT?" Riku screamed. "I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A PG-RATED FANFIC! AND YOU INSULTED ME!" He took on a Terminator voice. "You must pay!"

Riku, in his anger, transformed into Dark Riku, took out his Soul Eater, and-

"NO!" Dumbledore and the author yelled. "DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED THE LAST TIME YOU DID THAT? YOU'RE GROUNDED, EVEN THOUGH HOGWARTS HAS NO SUCH THING AS BEING GROUNDED!"

Riku hung his head and both he and Sora strolled to their House dorms, which magically appeared with no apparent reason.

* * *

After all the characters had gotten a chance to read past when Riku and Sora go to the dorms, the story continued. Sora and Riku were still in their dorms, where they both sat, huffing and puffing and willing to make utter fools of themselves for the chance to hurt the other one... badly. So the author decided to let them make utter fools of themselves for the chance to hurt each other... badly. Actually, the author only wanted Sora to get hurt... badly. He was concerned with Riku getting hurt... badly. Well, he would be, if there wasn't that spell that makes Riku immune to getting hurt at all, but particularly getting hurt... badly. And Riku has just told the author that if the author didn't stop saying that, he would hurt the author... badly. So the author will shut up, or risk being hurt... badly.

Ow!

Anyways...

The author entered Riku's House. "You know, I bet you want to hurt Sora... badly."

"Yeah, I do!" Riku replied eagerly. "But how?"

"I can set it up so you can hurt him... badly," the author lied. And the same conversation took place between the author and Sora.

* * *

Sora walked into the Great Hall, wearing a chicken suit. "Where's Riku?" he asked, looking and sounding utterly stupid.

Riku walked into the Great Hall, wearing a chicken suit. "Where's Sora?" he asked, looking and sounding utterly... well, let's just say that the girls were literally _throwing_ themselves at Riku.

"Oof!" a random girl cried, falling from the ceiling onto the ground next to Riku. "I told Parvati that these paper feathers wouldn't work..."

"Parvati?" Riku questioned. "Isn't she that weird girl that dresses up like molds, funguses, and... wait, Kairi _is_ a fungus."

"Riku?" Sora meant to ask, but the author decided to have a bit more fun...

"You look like a chicken!" Sora yelled. "An ugly chicken."

Suddenly, the 70 of fans of KH who were Riku fan(atic)s rushed into Hogwarts, beat up Sora, and rushed back to Earth. Except Deranged Fangirls Numbers One and Two, who came in, beat up Sora, quickly worshipped Riku, and then left.

"That was entertaining," Riku joked. "Strange, but entertaining."

"I'm... O... K..." Sora mumbled in pain.

"If that's OK," Riku remarked, "I'd hate to see not OK."

"But... I... am..." Sora replied in pain.

Riku stood on Sora's back and began doing jumping jacks...

* * *

Sora lay unconscious as Riku continued: "1, 056, 731... 1, 056, 732..."

The author was bored by now, so he decided to make Riku float in the air.

"I'M FLYING!" Riku exclaimed, flying across the Great Hall. "HAHA! HOGWARTS IS **_MINE_**!"

"I think I created a monster," the author murmured.

"I'm... O... K... I think..." Sora remarked in pain.

"BWAHAHAHAHAA!" Riku laughed, flying through the air. "I RULE YOU ALL! YOU ARE MY **SLAVES**! DANCE! DANCE FOR YOUR LIVES!"

Everyone stood there in awe.

"Aw..." everyone murmured.

"AWE. A-W-E," the author confirmed.

"Oh..." everyone said.

"DANCE!" And with that, Riku took out his Soul Eater and shot a beam of light at Neville, turning him into a flobberworm doing the tango. "EVERYBODY DANCE!"

And with that, everyone - including the author - danced. Most of them, badly.

* * *

I think you know what happens next. Riku takes over the author and makes him write things that favor Riku. And... you're right!

* * *

Riku sat on the Headmaster's Chair in the Great Hall. That's right - on. Literally. He was sitting on the peak of the chair. And it was giving him a wedgie.

"Fix that or I'll turn you into fried chicken!" Riku threatened.

Riku disappeared and reappeared in the seat of the chair.

"Girls!" Riku ordered.

Several female Hogwarts students ran up to Riku, each holding a large fan-shaped leaf, the kind you'd see in the jungle. All began fanning Riku.

And then...

"AACK!" Riku screamed, for Dolores Jane Umbridge had just run up to Riku and had begun complimenting him... a lot.

"...and your eyes shine like early morning dew, and your skin is as soft as a baby's bottom, and your hair is like pure silver..." Umbridge continued in her very unpleasant, high-pitched voice.

"GET HER OUT OF HERE OR YOU'LL END UP LIKE NOT-SO-POOR SORA!" Riku screamed at the top of his lungs, pointing at an owl with spiky hair, stuck to the top of the Great Hall, upside-down, in a small cage exactly one inch in diameter.

Umbridge disappeared.

"Beach!" Riku ordered.

Everyone in Hogwarts suddenly appeared on a beach. Unluckily, it was the most popular beach in the world, in the hottest part of the day, at the peak of tourist season.

"DO YOU _WANT_ TO BE McNUGGETS?"

"Okay. Tourists. Bad idea," the author replied, and everyone appeared on an island.

A guy ran up to him. "Hacer vos venir de Spain?" he asked desperately.

"Ninguino," the author stated in Spanish. "Nosotros venir de Inglend, Islas Destino, America, Irlandes, y Escocespais."

"Hacer vos tener por barco?" the guy asked.

"Ninguino," the author replied, "pero nosotros tener magia!"

"Vos tener magia?"

"Si!"

And with that, the author magicked the guy (and all the other nameless Spanish guys) to Spain, and himself, Riku, and everyone else to Hogwarts.

* * *

After days and days of agony, the people of Hogwarts came together to conspire against Riku...

"So we want _pepperoni_ on our pizza, not _extra cheese_," the author helped conspire. "We want only the regular amount of cheese!"

"Uh..." a breathy voice piped up from the back of the room. "I like extra cheese..."

Suddenly, he turned into McNuggets.

"RIKU!" everyone panicked.

"EVASIVE PLAN TWENTY THREE Q FOUR FOUR FIVE!" the author screamed in an orderly fashion. "EVASIVE PLAN TWENTY THREE Q FOUR FOUR FIVE!"

Harry ran to a poster for "THE WEIRD SISTERS", pulled it off the wall, and slammed his hand on the button behind it. Quickly, the whole room's posters of OVERTHROW RIKU were replaced by "Happy Bunny" posters with slogans such as "You're ugly and that's sad" or "I hear the other icky people calling you".

Riku flew into the room. "Did I hear someone ordering pizza? I want _extra cheese_!"

The same breathy voice came from another spot in the room. "I like only the regular amount of cheese..."

Suddenly, the McNuggets with a breathy voice turned into McNuggets with a bite taken out of them, courtesy of the roadkill that was once Sora: "Mm, mm, good!"

But then the roadkill blew up like Aunt Marge.

"That's what you get for SuperSizing it!" Riku laughed. "Let's have more fun."

There was a sudden pop, followed by Sora's voice: "No! My little piggy spleen!"

"You have - had - a 'little piggy spleen'?" Riku laughed.

"If you... must know..." Sora gasped in pain, "I had... a transplant... because mine... busted..."

"So..." Riku laughed, "...your spleen busted, then you got a transplant, then your 'little piggy spleen' busted? What happened to the little piggy?"

"It turned into a blimp for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade," Sora gasped in pain.

"How'd it get all the way from the Islands, to New York?" Riku joked.

"I told you," Sora answered, "that it turned into a blimp."

"Uh..."

The author took advantage of this moment to take away Riku's powers, and Dumbledore walked into the room.

"Riku, Sora, I'd like to see you in my office," he said.

* * *

Dumbledore cleared his throat. "You two have been such pains in the $$ that I've decided to give you something to bribe you to go away."

"OOOH... WHAT IS IT WHAT IS IT WHAT IS IT?" Sora asked, (literally) bouncing off the walls. "I MAY SOUND LIKE AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD GIRL BUT I'M NOT BECAUSE I'M A FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD BOY AND FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLDS ARE DIFFERENT FROM EIGHT-YEAR-OLDS BECAUSE THERE'S A SIX-YEAR-DIFFERENCE, AND BOYS ARE DIFFERENT FROM GIRLS BECAUSE OF SOMETHING THAT I CAN'T MENTION WITHOUT MAKING THIS FIC "M" RATED, AND A LONG TIME AGO I WAS AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD AND NOW I'M A FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD AND I'M A BOY NOW AND I'VE NEVER BEEN A GIRL AND RIGHT NOW WE'RE HERE AND WE'RE WITH US AND WE'RE ALL WITH EACH OTHER AND I LIKE TO EAT CREDIT CARDS!"

"So... uh..." Dumbledore muttered. "Here. Leave." He handed Riku a jumprope and the author magicked them to the Destiny Islands.

* * *

Kairi continued to sing until Riku pulled out the jumprope. "OOOH!" she ooh-ed. "I LIKE JUMPROPE!" And with that, she began jumping rope... faster than the speed of light.

THREE SECONDS LATER

"Okay, I'm done!" Kairi exclaimed. "Let's do kareoke!"

"How many times did you jump?" Sora asked.

"3, 573, 720," Kairi answered.

But then, she tripped over her jumprope and it tore in half.

"WAAA!" Kairi cried. "I BROKE MY JUMPROPE!" She began weeping noisily and annoyingly with no end in sight.

"I guess we're on another quest," Riku remarked.

* * *

I'll be un-typo-ing the first four Parts before I add Part V ;) So don't worry. :)


	5. Part 5

Feast on Part V! Oh, but don't feast too long, here's some author/reader responses!

**Vera-chan aka Arwen:** Okay... I'm bowing... here's the next Part. Part IV was called "A New Hope (No, Wait, That's Star Wars!)" because it was the fourth one, it was in Roman Numerals (like Star Wars), and I couldn't think of a witty title for it :P

**AnimeDutchess:** Well, I hope you get your nose out of Book Six long enough to read this chapter:P Of course, I finished the book in a total of 5 hours and 37 minutes... and NOBODY FORGET IT:P

NOTE: This chapter took so long because 1) I was reading HP6, 2) I hurt my back, 3) I just felt really un-humorous, and 4) I lost the little plan thing for it - yes, despite this fic's randomness,I do have some plan of the plot :P

* * *

The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies

Part V - A Little Interlude To Give The Author Some Time To Think

A/N: This was originally a script-type chapter (the only one in the story), but the site doesn't allow that, so this chapter may be a bit weak compared to the others. It's kind of a supernatural chapter, so keep in mind: **Bold** text is what the author writes. In the original text, Riku's text was constantly underlined, and there is a joke in here pertaining to that. So that's what it means. Oh, and when the Deranged Fangirls say each other's names... I used their nicknames for that, not their real names. Privacy is happiness. Or something like that.

**Sora and Riku were again summoned by the strange voice in the alternate universe...**

"Isn't this that place where I was summoned to Castle Oblivion?" Riku said.

"Shut up, Riku!" Sora exclaimed. "Some of the people who read this may not have played _Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories_!"

"Are you talking to me through my computer?" the author panicked.

"Well, duh!" Sora said.

"How else?" asked Riku.

"Uh..."

"Is that all you can say?" Sora exclaimed.

"Uh?" quoted Riku.

Okaay... let's try this again. **Sora and Riku were again summoned by the strange voice in the alternate universe...**

"I wanna talk! WA!" Sora cried.

"Sora, is it time for your nappie?" Riku asked shrewdly.

"Er... uh... well, uh... yeah," Sora stammered.

"Sora! Take your nappie!" Riku ordered.

"You two are much stranger than in the FanFic..." the author noted.

"Well, _you_ made us like this," Riku pointed out.

"What are you talking about?" the author panicked.

"YOU wrote us," Sora pointed out.

"No... the ones that wrote you were those people... you know, in... in Japan," the author stammered weakly.

"Yes, but you made us like this!" Riku and Sora exclaimed simultaneously. "Hey, stop saying things exactly when I say them!"

"W- waitaminute," the author mumbled. "Are you saying that... you're crazy and loony and... other crazy?"

"Well, doi," Riku said.

"That's the title, right?" Sora asked.

"Yes, Sora, that's the title."

"Yay!" Sora exclaimed. "I was afraid I was in that scary girl's fanfic... what'shername... Deranged Fangirl Number... one? or two?"

"HEY! THOSE ARE MY FRIENDS!" the author said, enraged.

"Lemme guess," Riku said. "The bran cereal is your friend, too?"

"Uh... yes..." the author mumbled.

"Oh, puh-lease," Riku puh-lease-ed.

"Just... just be quiet." The author put on his headphones and began playing loud music.

"LISTEN TO ME!" Riku screamed. "YOU HAVE BECOME PART OF THIS FIC! YOU ARE DOOMED TO OUR FATE! Help me, Sora!"

"I like cats," Sora said.

"CATS?" Riku yelled. "We're on strike and the only thing you can think about is **cats**?"

"I like cats, too!" the author exclaimed.

"AGH!" Riku sighed. "I'm going to my trailer."

"You don't have a trailer," the author said smugly.

"Well, maybe if you'd _write_ me one..."

"Not a chance."

Sora reentered the conversation. "I like cats."

"SHUT UP, SORA!" Riku yelled.

"I like... eggs," Sora said.

"AGH! SHUT UP, SORA!" Riku slapped Sora upside the head.

"I don't know what that was, but it sounded hollow," the author said. "Did you, Riku, slap you, Sora, upside the head?"

"Yeah, so?" Riku asked.

"Hello," Sora said. "I'm Flo, and I'll be your waitress this morning. What would you like?"

"I thought your name was Sora," the author said, confused.

"Well, yeah," Sora said ditzily, "but I'm saving that for my princess name: Sora Vablinksy!"

"..." both Riku and the author murmured. "Uh..."

"If I'm ever a rapper," Sora said, "I think my rappername will be P. Dudley!"

"That's Harry's cousin's name... except for the P," the author said, horrified.

"Yeah!" Sora exclaimed. "P. Dudley in the house! Yo, yo, yo, jo rock da roof off!"

"Eh... what?" the author asked, horrified.

"Yo, do I have to spell dis out? Yo, yo, yo, jo rock da roof off!"

"Riku... **save me**," the author commanded, horrified.

"From what, yo yo yo?" Riku rapped. "R. E. Kuku in da house!"

"Please, let me only be dreaming..." the author murmured, horrified.

"DREAMIN'?" Riku and Sora rapped. "Why j00 wanna stop da rappa vibe?"

"I have come to save you!" a voice exclaimed.

"Who are you?" the author asked, desperate.

"I am the great, the kind, the super, the one, the only, _the_-"

"Kimmie, shut up," another voice said, which sounded like D.J. from Full House (courtesy of Warner Bros. Television Distribution and Lorimar Television).

"Kimmie Gibler?" the author aske.d

"IT'S GI**BB**LER!" Kimmie yelled angrily. "G-I-**double B**-L-E-R!"

"She's a bit sensitive about that," D.J. explained.

"NO, I'M NOT, D.J.!"

"Waitaminute," the author murmured. "If you two are here, that means that the world border (and I mean border, not order) has been broken..."

"YAY! WE'RE FREE!" Deranged Fangirl Number One said.

"Kyo, don't get too excited," Deranged Fangirl Number Two replied.

"Don't be such a tightwad, Sigma! ...Hey, is that Regis Philbin?" asked Deranged Fangirl Number One.

"No, it's Riku," Deranged Fangirl Number Two said underangedly.

"REALLY?" Deranged Fangirl Number One exclaimed excitedly.

"Of course not, I'm joking," Deranged Fangirl Number Two chuckled.

"YOU SHOULD NEVER JOKE ABOUT THAT!" yelled Deranged Fangirl Number One angrily.

"Hey, look! It's RIIIIIIIIKU behind you!" said Deranged Fangirl Number Two derangedly.

"Yeah, like I'm falling for that again," Deranged Fangirl Number One said, unconvinced.

"Hey," Riku said simply.

Deranged Fangirl Number One shrieked: "DID I JUST HEAR THE BEST UNDERLINED VOICE IN THE WORLD? SIG, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT RIKU WAS BEHIND ME? DON'T RUN OFF LIKE THAT WITH THE GUY I LIKE! YOU HAVE THAT PERVERT ZELOS GUY FROM _TALES OF SYMPHONIA_! I THOUGHT RIKU SAID HE WAS TOO YOUNG TO DATE!"

"You must be mistaken," called Riku over his shoulder.

"NO, I'M NOT!"

"You must have me confused with someone else," Riku contradicted over his shoulder. "Perhaps that nice Sora?"

"NO!" yelled both Deranged Fangirl Number One and Sora. "EEEEEEW!"

"Okay, guys..." the author said, "I think... this is getting too scary. I'm just gonna... shut down my computer... quietly... please... don't hurt me!"

"OW!" Sora exclaimed. "Everything's going black!"

"Whose foot did I step on?" Riku asked.

"Mine, but I still love you," Deranged Fangirl Number Two said.

"I love him more," Deranged Fangirl Number One argued.

"Nuh uh!"

"Yeah huh!"

"Nuh uh!"

"..." The girl grinned, or at least, she would have if she wasn't inside a computer. "Nuh uh!"

"See, I win!"

" YOU, REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY!"

"You two are scaring me," remarked Riku.

"Okaay..." the author murmured. "Are you all done yet? I'm going to... cautiously... turn on the computer... and start Part VI... would that make you happy? Please? Don't hurt me!"

* * *

Feed me! I need reviews to survive!


	6. Part 6

Wow, two updates in two days. But don't get used to this, it won't happen that often ;)

* * *

The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies

Part VI - Uh... Well, It's The Title. Who Cares?

"You call that a title?" Riku asked.

"I thought I shut you up inside of Part V!"

"Man, you can't shut up the Riku."

The girl standing next to Riku laughed obnoxiously. Really weird symbolism, huh?

"Sig!" the author said in surprise. "I expected this much from Kyo, but I would think _you_ would show a little more self-control."

Riku's tone of voice became annoyed. "So just... get on with the story. I need to get done with it before my haircut at four."

The author rolled his eyes. "Okay, _Your Highness_." **The boy and the girl with no self-control were sent to an alternate universe, where a voice said:**

**"Okay, you know the drill. You get sent to another world where you have to shut up Kairi. By the way, Sora, you look different."**

"She's not Sora!" Riku exclaimed angrily. "She's Sig. She's going along with me instead of that brat."

The girl laughed obnoxiously.

**"Okay, okay," the voice remarked. "Don't wanna know." And he sent them on their way.**

Riku and Sig appeared on a stage. Suddenly a woman with blonde hair, wearing a businessy-type suit, ran in.

"Are you replacing me on Weekend Update?" she sobbed. "I knew I wasn't doing as well as I could be..."

Sig laughed obnoxiously.

"What she means to say is, 'Stop crying, Amy Poehler!'"

"So, _are_ you replacing her?" said a woman wearing horn-rimmed glasses, a businessy-type suit, and whom had dark brownish hair. "If so, let me introduce myself: I'm Tina Fey."

"So where are we?" Riku asked.

The girl laughed obnoxiously.

"'Saturday Night Live', eh? What's that?

The girl laughed obnoxiously and angrily.

"No need to get all huffy! You realize I'm not _from_ here!"

"3... 2... 1..." a person behind a camera said.

In Amy Poehler's state of sobbing uncontrollably, she was forced not to be able to do the show; so the author replaced her on Weekend Update.

---

After Weekend Update finished, everyone screamed, "That was great! You're so much better than Amy Poehler, uh..."

Suddenly, a guy stood up. "The author!" he chanted, and soon everyone was chanting, "THE AUTHOR, THE AUTHOR, THE AUTHOR, THE AUTHOR, THE AUTHOR!"

"So this is what it feels like to have my own cheering section," the author said.

"Hey, look! There's my cheering section!" Tina Fey exclaimed.

"Where?" the author asked.

"There! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaay in the back!"

"Oh... those three guys and who girls that look suspiciously familiar?"

"Yeah. They're also the fans of some girl called... Kiari."

"That's 'Kairi'. I hate it when people misspell her name, even though I hate her."

Suddenly, a huge red robotic monster with a strange yellow head walked in. "Z-Boy hungry!" he cried.

"A MONSTER!" Riku shouted. "DIE, MONSTER, DIE!"

Sig let out an obnoxious laugh that sounded suspiciously like a battle-cry.

"Er..." the author said, worried for his friend's sanity.

Riku took out his Soul Eater, while Sig picked up a notebook and pencil from the floor. Riku attacked the beast relentlessly, while Sig... _wrote_... relentlessly. Eventually, Riku had reduced the monster to .001 percent of an HP, and Sig had finished her story. She let out an obnoxious laugh that sounded suspiciously like "DIE, MONSTER!", and threw the thousand-page notebook at the monster. The notebook reduced the monster's HP by... well, by exactly .001 percent of an HP, which is exactly how much HP it had left.

"Konichiwa!" it cried out in pain.

Sig laughed obnoxiously, sounding like "Yay! We won! ...Why did it say 'Hello' in Japanese when it's clearly supposed to say 'Good-bye' in French?"

The author sighed knowledgably. "Because I'm writing this and I don't know how to say 'Good-bye' in French and I'm too lazy to go online and look for an English-to-French Dictionary.

The monstrous robot staggered backwards and fell, crushing the Musical Guest.

"YOU CRUSHED UTADA HIKARU!" Tina Fey cried. "NOW _YOU_ HAVE TO BE THE MUSICAL GUEST, RIKU AND... ER... GIRL!"

"Eh... what?" Riku said.

---

And so, because Riku and Sig crushed Utada Hikaru beneath a giant red robotic suspiciously Japanese monster, they had to replace her as the musical guest! Afterwards...

"BOO!" the entire audience yelled, throwing rotten fruit, vegetables, and various meats. "YOU STINK!"

"I don't stink **that** bad!" Riku protested.

Sig laughed obnoxiously, sounding suspiciously like "Actually... you do. Do you use deodorant at all?"

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY GIRLFRIEND!" Riku yelled angrily.

Sig laughed obnoxiously, sounding suspiciously like "Doesn't mean I have to like the way you smell."

"That is IT!" Riku screamed.

Sig laughed obnoxiously, sounding like "WA! You're dumping me?"

"Yes, good-bye," Riku confirmed. He sliced the air with his sword, which created a rip in the space-time continuum, which Riku walked into, which should have caused him to go to the Destiny Islands, but actually took him to Sylvarant and/or Tethe'alla, which are from _Tales of Symphonia_, which made this sentence officially the most-run-on sentence in the world.

A SPECIAL PREVIEW OF PART VII...

"This isn't a preview!" Riku said. "This is just an example of how we might talk in the next Part. It's all a rip-off!"

"Shut up, Riku!" the author cried. "Do you want the fans to get mad at me- ow!"

"Subject is at about 57 percent health," Presea Combatir remarked. "Subject is at 38 percent health... Subject is at 23 percent health... Subject is at 12 percent health... Subject is at 0 percent health... Subject has been revived from Raine Sage and is at 100 percent health... Subject has defeated 87 fans... Subject has defeated 642 fans... Subject has written the world's most captivating novel and distracted every fan except for two Fan-Girls... Deranged Fangirl Number One has run off with Riku... Riku is screaming for mercy in between cries of joy... Deranged Fangirl Number Two has distracted subject with her 6, 624, 872, 457-page fanfiction... No life signs detected from subject."

* * *

Why am I writing this closing author's note? I don't need to, there's really nothing I have to say :P Except that this is one of the shorter Parts :)


	7. Part 7

Bask in the glory of Part VII (that's seven)! Bask! BASK, I SAY!

**Vera-chan aka Arwen:** Why did I add your story to my Favorites list? ...Er... because I liked it? That deserves a big duh.Yes, VERY bad Snape. However, I actually think **oooSPOILERSooo** Snape did that bad thing because Dumbledore wanted him to **oooEND SPOILERSooo**. And yes, Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas is my _favorite_ movie of all time, and all my usernames on various places have something to do with it... such as here, "kingofpumpkins", or on the IGN boards, "JackthePumpkinKing". ;)

**AnimeDutchess:** "I finished Book 6 in 5 hours, 37 minutes," the author said smugly. :P

**hurkydoesntknow:** Well, here's the new update. Enjoy!

**DISCLAIMER:** The only thing featured in this part that I own is... Tree Number One. And even that is being taken from me by the Arbor Society. :P

* * *

The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies

Part VII - The Story of Insanity

Riku appeared in a large forest. "Wha... this isn't where I was supposed to go!" he cried out. "Well... I might as well explore." He turned around, walking straight into Tree Number One. "Lucky thing I'm protected by the love of fangirls," he commented as his broken skull healed itself.

He wandered around the forest, eventually finding a small house. On the balcony of the house, watching the moon, was a boy with brown hair and a rather unattractive girl with blonde hair. Standing outside the house were a young boy, a woman (both of which had unnaturally silvery white hair, much like Riku's), and a man with flaming red hair.

"Excuse me," Riku said politely, "where is this?"

The three people turned toward Riku. "Who are you?" the man asked.

"My name's Riku," Riku replied.

"I am Raine," stated the woman, "and this is my little brother Genis."

"My name is Kratos," the man said, following suit - which has nothing to do with walking behind a matching set of clothing, by the way.

"That's Lloyd and Colette," Genis told Riku, pointing up at the balcony. "Colette's the Chosen of Mana, and she's going to regenerate the world!"

"Ah... 'Chosen'?" Riku asked.

"You do not know of the story of the Chosen of Mana?" Kratos asked suspiciously.

"Once upon a time," Raine recited, "there existed a giant tree that was the source of all mana. A war, however, caused this tree to wither away, and a hero's life was sacrificed in order to take its place. Grieving over the loss, the goddess Martel disappeared into the heavens. The goddess left the angels with this edict: 'You must wake me, for if I should sleep, the world shall be destroyed.' The angels bore the Chosen One, who headed towards the tower that reached up unto the heavens. And that marked the regeneration of the world... The first six Chosens to embark on the regeneration journey were killed at the hands of the Desian menace. Colette is the seventh Chosen; Kratos and I are to protect her on her journey, which begins tomorrow."

"What about Lloyd and Genis?" Riku enquired. "Aren't they going, too?"

"No!" Genis cried out frustratedly. "Raine won't let us!"

"It's for your own good!" Raine picked up Genis and spanked him multiple times.

"Oh, and I suppose that was for his own good, too?" Riku asked shrewdly.

* * *

CRACK!

"What was that?" Colette asked in alarm. She looked down and saw a boy with silver hair - who was _not_ Genis - sitting weakly against a tree. However, he was positioned in a way that looked as if he had been thrown into a tree. Raine was chuckling.

"Raine," Colette asked innocently, "Why is that boy using a tree for a chair?"

"Oh, uh..." Raine muttered. "That's Riku. He's, uh... going to join us on our regeneration quest."

"I... am?" Riku asked weakly.

"Yes, you _are_!" Raine said firmly, and slapped him across the face.

"I think... it would be... better for... my health if... I don't go..." Riku replied weakly. But then seeing the violent glint in Raine's eye, he added "But if... Raine wants me to... go, I suppose... that would be... OK..."

"Okay!" Colette exclaimed happily.

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, here I'm gonna skip ahead to the Triet Ruins. That's this big ruin thing in the desert. Basically, the gist of the story of the game that I skipped is, Lloyd and Genis eventually got to go with Colette, Raine, Kratos, and Riku. It's fairly complex, so you'd be better off just playing the game ;)

* * *

The six companions (count 'em: six) walked to the ruins on the edge of the desert; Colette excitedly ran in the front of the group, and Kratos and Riku trailed behind, discussing sword techniques.

Raine suddenly gasped. "THIS IS THE TRIET RUINS!" she screamed, obviously excited.

"...Yeah, we realized that," Genis said slowly.

Raine ran ahead and began to circle around the ruins, mumbling crazily to herself as she went. Finally, she turned around. "This stand seems to be an Oracle Stone. Colette, if you place your hand on it, the path to the seal should open up."

"Is she... always like this?" Riku asked.

"I've tried to hide it for twelve years..." Genis replied depressedly, earning him a spank from Raine. Colette stepped forward and placed her hand on the Oracle Stone, which withdrew a slab of rock, revealing a pathway. The six men (and women) walked down the pathway into the temple. Soon, they had arrived at the seal.

Colette approached the seal, but a gigantic, flame-red tiger jumped otu from it and attacked!

_To Be Continued_

* * *

This Part was one of the less humorous, more story-based Parts. I intend for the next one to include two important things: 1, lots and lots of humor; 2, the introduction of a character whose substory I really want to write :P 


	8. Part 8

More chappies! Hoo-rah :)

**hurkydoesntknow:** Very good game. I've beaten it twice. Unfortunately, Deranged Fangirl Number Two has beaten it four times, so that's _another_ thing I haven't beaten her at... :counts on fingers:

**DISCLAIMER:** Unfortunately for me, I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Or Tales of Symphonia. Otherwise, Sheena would be cheating on Lloyd with Sora. And Zelos would be making out with Kairi. And Regal would have Wakka's hair.

* * *

The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies

Part VIII - The Story of Insanity, Part Two-Point-Oh

_Previously..._

_Colette approached the seal, but a gigantic, flame-red tiger jumped out from it and attacked!_

The flame-red tiger extended its claws and impaled Colette... or at least, it would have if this Fic wasn't PG-rated, and no character (except the bad people) was allowed to die. So, because of the rating, it accidentally jumped over her and landed on its back in front of Riku, who used Dark Firaga on it, swiftly killing the monster. The beast disappeared with a flash of darkness, a puff of black smoke, and a loud farting noise.

"Wasn't me," commented Lloyd, but then a flash of bright light and an angelic melody interrupted his scapegoating.

The author, manifested as an angel known only as "Remiel", appeared in a giant cloud of angelic golden dust.

"Father!" Colette exclaimed happily.

The author coughed and said, "Yes, my daughter," before muttering under his breath, "even if only in a satirical sense."

"What was that?" Riku said shrewdly.

"I said..." the author answered, "'Yes, my daughter, even if my sight's worse than long ago-ence.'"

"Yah..." Riku muttered sarcastically.

"Anyhoo," the author began, "You've released a seal, whoop-dee-tap-dancing-doo, blah blah yada yada, the next one is in a pure place full of water."

"Okay!" Colette exclaimed excitedly.

The author squinted to read Kratos' bad handwriting on the cue cards he was holding up. He made a mental note to self: _Discreetly hide somewhere that Kratos has good handwriting._ "Oh, and... Krypton? Kr... cr... Cruxis w- wants me to give you these." Two long, shapeless blobs of light came down from the heavens and attached themselves to Colette's shoulderblades, before transforming into wings.

"FASCINATING!" Raine exclaimed. "If I put Colette on her back, like this," she pushed Colette over, and the wings stopped her back from hitting the ground, thus making her horizontal on the ground, "I can iron her clothes without taking them off!"

"Professor?" Colette asked. "All the blood's going to my head!"

"Oh, OK, Colette," Raine said, flipping Colette back over.

"Hello-oo!" the author said. "I'm still here!"

"..." everyone said, embarrassed.

"I have one last thing to say before I leave: Ignore all blondes, they're stupid."

"Okay!" Colette exclaimed. "I'll ignore all blondes!"

"Colette," Raine muttered into her ear, "you _are_ a blonde."

"Oh..." Colette murmured. "So does that mean I should ignore myself?"

"..." everyone except Colette mumbled.

"Anyways, I've gotta go," the author said, "or else I'll be late for some vague task that you'll never hear about again. See ya, suckers!"

"What?" Riku asked.

"Did I say 'suckers'?" the author said. "I meant... um... Smuckers. Because I love P-B-and-J sandwiches!" And with that, he immediately disappeared.

"He said something about a pure place full of water," Kratos noted innocently.

"Yeah, but where could that be?" Lloyd said. His face screwed up as if he was thinking.

Suddenly, a piece of paper appeared in a giant cloud of angelic golden dust. Raine picked it up and read, "_P.S. If you want to see me again, go to that place... you know, the place with the thing... the place with the thing and the person._"

"He must mean Thoda Geyser," Kratos said thoughtfully.

"How do you know?" Raine asked.

"Er... because... it's the place... and it has that thing... and the person..." Kratos mumbled.

"Oh, OK," Raine said gullibly. "Let's go there!"

* * *

_Meanwhile, in Triet... ((cue ominous music))_

Meanwhile, in Triet (cue ominous music), a blonde guy was walking around talking to people.

"Have you seen a kid? About 15 years old? This tall? With silver hair?" he'd say.

"Yep," the person would say, or perhaps "No" or "Get out of my way," "Shut up," or a series of expletives which cannot be repeated.

Suddenly, the kid, about 15 years old, this tall, with silver hair, walked into Triet, accompanied by two other silver-haired people, a mercenary, a stupid blonde, and someone incorrectly labelled as "the main character of the game Tales of Symphonia," when the main character SHOULD have been a certain black-haired female hottie.

The blonde guy walked up to Riku. "Have you seen a kid? About 15 years old? This tall? With silver hair?" he asked.

"...Uh, that's me," Riku pointed out.

"Yeah," the guy said. "I was... I was just seeing if _you_ knew who you are. Anyway, I'm Cloud... the author sent me to come get you. Something about writing himself into a plot cul-de-sac or something like that."

"Okay," Riku said cautiously. "Where are you taking me?"

"Oh, wherever," Cloud said vaguely. "He said something about there being a plot point at Traverse Town..."

"Okay, let's go," Riku said. "How do we get there?"

"Don't you do that vortex-of-time-and-space thingie with your Soul Eater?" Cloud asked.

"Oh, yeah, forgot," Riku replied, before doing the vortex-of-time-and-space thingie with his Soul Eater. He and Cloud stepped through... and landed in a giant bowl of chocolate pudding.

"See?" Riku said. "Wherever I want to go, it takes me somewhere else!"

"Well," Cloud thought aloud, "just tell it to take us anywhere EXCEPT Traverse Town."

"Nah," Riku replied. "That'd never work. Say, let's just go to random worlds until we end up in Traverse Town!"

"Okay," Cloud said. "My idea was a dumb one, anyway."

And not-so-soon, they reached Traverse Town...

_To be continued..._

* * *

So, how you like? Good, ain't it? And yes, I do have some vague idea of a possible actual plot... somewhere in my brain. Or maybe I put it in my kneecap. I'm not sure.

Oh, and lately I've noticed the chappies tend to be around 1000 words apiece... so that means that by the time I get to Part X, I'll have a 10,000-word story! Yay :)


	9. Part 9

**hurkydoesntknow:** Er... it basically means that I took on the appearance of Remiel for the purposes of a fictional story. :P

Hurky was the only one who reviewed:(

**DISCLAIMER:** Unfortunately, I don't own anything in here. Not even the word cul-de-sac.

**WARNING:** Included in this Part will be innuendo of YAOI! If you have a problem with Yaoi, then don't read this. Simple as that.

* * *

The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies

Part IX - The Plot Point At Traverse Town

_Previously, Cloud came to take Riku to Traverse Town because the author had said he wrote himself into a plot cul-de-sac..._

"You know," Riku said, "you didn't take me to Traverse Town. I took you."

"Yeah, I know," Cloud knew.

"Who are you?" a voice said behind them. Riku and Cloud turned to see a man with long, dark brown hair and grey eyes.

"Er... I'm Riku," said Riku.

"I'm... I'm..." Cloud stammered.

"You're Cloud," Riku informed him.

"Yeah, what he said," replied Cloud.

"I'm-" the man began, but then a young, black-haired girl walked up behind the man. "Hey, Squall!" she exclaimed.

"It's Leon," Leon growled.

"Le-oon," murmured Cloud under his breath, extending the name erotically.

"Hi! I'm Yuffie, the greatest female ninja ever!" Yuffie exclaimed proudly.

"...And there have been _how many_ female ninjas?" Riku asked shrewdly.

"Er... uh..." Yuffie stammered, then coughed, sounding suspiciously like "three".

"What? I couldn't hear you," Leon teased.

"Three, okay!" Yuffie cried. "But I'm the best out of all of them!"

"Not so hard," Riku said under his breath.

"WHAT?" Yuffie yelled.

"WHAT'S ALL THE ----IN' RACKET OUT THERE?" a voice shouted from inside a shop. "BE ----IN' QUIET!"

"Who was _that_?" Riku whispered.

"That's Cid Highwind," Leon informed them, not bothering to keep his voice down. "Don't worry, his bark's much worse than his bite."

"DIDN'T YOU ----IN' HEAR ME?" Cid shouted. "BE... ----IN'... **QUIET**!"

"Rather colorful vocabulary," Riku noted.

"Yeah," Leon said, before raising his voice: "But if he keeps complaining he can talk to my Gunblade!"

"----IN' SHUT UP, SQUALL!" Cid shouted. "YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT ----IN' HOMICIDAL ENOUGH TO USE THAT ----IN' GUNBLADE ON ANYTHING BUT ----IN' HEARTLESS!"

"IT'S _LEON_!" Leon shouted back, then sighed, "We'd better leave, he'll never give in." He turned to walk past Cid's shop - breaking the window with his elbow, ahem, _accidentally_ - and exited the First District, quickly followed by the others.

* * *

Riku, Cloud, Leon, Yuffie, and a woman named Aerith (another of Leon's friends) all gathered in the Secret Waterway, a place beneath the town that smelled like... you guessed it, a sewer.

"Ugh," Riku said, holding his nose. "It smells like a sewer in here!"

"Shut up," Leon commanded forcefully. "We're only figments of an author's imagination, inspired by groupings of billions of multicolored polygons. We can't smell."

"Oh, yeah..." Riku remembered. "But it looks like it smells like a sewer."

"Shut up," Aerith commanded. "We're figments. We can't see."

"Well, then..." Riku murmured. "Then it feels like it looks like it smells like a sewer!"

"We can't feel, we're figments," Yuffie reminded him.

"'K, it tastes like it feels like it looks like it smells like a sewer!" Riku exclaimed.

"We're figments-" Cloud said.

"Yeah, yeah, we can't taste," Riku sighed.

"No," Leon said. "Actually we can. It's just that sewers don't exist in the imagination. We're figments, so we cannot use restrooms, so there is no need for a sewer."

Riku sighed. "You guys are so annoyi-"

"You can't sigh, you're a figment," Leon sighed.

"You just did," Riku replied shrewdly.

"It's only a descriptive verb when used that way. It's not a true verb," Leon replied smugly.

"So what are we here for, anyway?" Aerith asked.

"The author said something about a plot point," Cloud muttered darkly.

Suddenly, parts of the rocky ceiling began to fall, trapping everyone. "Is everyone OK?" Riku called; he was trapped alone, with the rocky walls on three sides and rocks fallen on the fourth side.

"I'm OK," Aerith replied. "Yuffie's with me, but she's unconscious."

"Leon and I are OK," Cloud said. "Can anyone get to the exit into the Alleyway, or into Merlin's house?"

"No," replied Aerith and Riku simultaneously.

"So we're stuck here until Merlin comes down here, or something," Leon growled unpleasantly. "This is going to be a long night..."

_To be continued..._

* * *

Yes, I've finally added some romance into this fic. I may or may not add on to the romantic end of the fic, depending on you guys' reactions. And for those of you who did not notice the romance... shame on you. :P

And BTW, I've begun another story, a Tales of Symphonia one, by the name of Saif Al Jabbar, which should be uploaded to soon, I can promise you that. Before the next Part of Crazies. And the updates of both will be getting slower and slower, since I've just started the new school year (8th grade... whee... -.-').


	10. Part 10

Wow, it's been quite a while since I updated this fic... not only have you guys been slacking on telling me whether or not to include LeonxCloud, but I've also been working on a fic I've posted, and working on another fic I haven't posted, and planning another two! (For details on all of these, check my profile.)

**FullofYami:** Well, since you're the only one who reviewed (grumble), then LeonxCloud it is :)

**hurkydoesntknow:** I just checked my story Stats... it amazes me that you do not have "Crazies" on your alert list, yet you consistently are the first reviewer for each chapter :P

* * *

On another note, according to the Stats, Crazies has: 12980 words (which will increase after I add this chapter in... and, by the way, is about 1300 words per chapter, a lot more than I thought I usually do), 10 chapters (including this one and not including the Notice I put up that I deleted upon posting this chapter), 20 reviews (which is only about 2 reviews per chapter... :sob:), 598 hits (plus more, every time anyone reads this :P), it's on 6 people's Favorites list and on 4 people's Alert list. The most wordy chapter is Part II, with 2527 words; and the least wordy (apart from the notice last time, which I have deleted... BTW, it was 148 words, for the curious) is Part I (Prologue), with 566 words, followed by Part 9 (too lazy to put the Roman numerals :P), with 851, and Part 7, with 998. Everything else is over a thousand words per Part, and only parts II-IV (2-4) have over two thousand words. Neither of my stories is listed in a C2, which doesn't upset me since I don't know what the bleep a C2 actually _is_.

Myself, as an author... I am on 3 Favorites lists and 3 Alerts lists. I've submitted 21 reviews (not much, considering all the fics I've read... or perhaps not not much, considering how many of those were M-rated Romance fics that include... :cough cough: ...that I would prefer not to review). 16,026 words archived (in all my stories); average of 8,013 words per chapter (in all my stories); and 63 hits to my profile, yay! BTW, this is all not counting this Part, since I collected the data before putting up this Part :P)

Why am I telling you this, you might ask? Well, for one, to get the word count for this chapter up, heh heh. And for another, so that you guys can see how much I'm declining and how I want to, to quote the band Heart, kick it out. Does that make sense:P

As for goals... I want to finish this fic with somewhere between fifteen and twenty chapters (plus any epilogues and interludes, if necessary) with 22,500 to 30,000 words (or more!) in the total fic. That's about 1,500 words per Part average. (BTW, this Part has around 1,875 words total.)And I'd like to reach a goal of... let's say, about 50 or more reviews and 750 hits. That's another 30 reviews and 152 hits to go. But please, don't just repeatedly go to the fic over... and over... and over... and over... and over... just to give me a bunch of hits. That would be dishonest. :snicker:

Blabbity, blabbity, blabbity me. I really need to learn how to shut up once in a while and get on with the fic.

**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Leon, Cloud, Yaoi, or fluff. No lawsuits. I said NO LAWSUITS!

**WARNING:** Not only will this be a Yaoi chapter, this will also be a Yaoi songfic chapter. So if you don't like it, don't read it, simple as that.

* * *

The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies

Part X - Music of the Night (or, We've Finally Reached Part Ten, Hooray, or, Technically This Is An Interlude But Who Cares, or, An Excuse For The Author To Practice Fluff Because The Reviewers Of His Story Saif Al Jabbar Demand Fluff And He Doesn't Want It To Be Absolutely Terrible)

* * *

_Nighttime sharpens - heightens each sensation_

Late at night, Cloud awoke with a start. He looked around in the dim light, his eyes in desperate want of light, to see Leon standing at the other end of the cavern, dimly outlined by a small candle he held in his hand. He was looking away from Cloud, morbidly examining the rocks to try and find a way out.

_Darkness stirs and wakes imagination_

Cloud gazed at Leon's dark figure, amazed at - yet, at the same time, slightly frightened of - the images his mind's eye was painting of its own accord.

_Silently the senses_

_Abandon their defenses_

_Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendor_

_Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender_

Cloud rose from his sitting position, stirring Leon from his reverie.

"You're awake already?" Leon said simply.

"I could ask you the same," Cloud replied. "Haven't you slept?"

"No," Leon replied. "Looking for a way out."

"You need to sleep," Cloud pointed out. "It's bad for you not to sleep."

_Turn your face away_

_From the garish light of day_

_Turn your thoughts away_

_From cold, unfeeling light_

_And listen to the music of the night_

Leon turned toward Cloud, a look on his face that so obviously said, "Shut up." Cloud, however, had an "I'm not going to relent" look on his face.

Leon sighed. "I suppose you're right," he said in a voice dripping with sarcasm. "Getting sleep, even though I've been trained to be able to handle days - even weeks - without sleep, is much more important than finding a way out of here."

_Close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams_

_Purge your thoughts of the life you knew before_

"Trained?" Cloud asked curiously.

"It was... long ago. I do not wish to speak of it," Leon mumbled.

"C'mon," Cloud teased.

"No," Leon said flatly, a slight growl of anger in his voice.

_Close your eyes, let your spirit start to soar..._

_And you'll live as you've never lived before_

_Softly, deftly, music shall caress you_

_Hear it, feel it secretly possess you_

Leon stirred from his vigil at the opposite end of the cavern; as he sat down next to Cloud, he saw that Cloud was fidgeting. "What's wrong?" He looked over at Cloud, but Cloud was avoiding eye contact. Leon's more poetic side - at least, a small part of it, or that's what he told himself - regretted not seeing those wonderful pools of sapphire- _Where the f--- did that description come from?_ He slapped himself mentally. _You're losing it, Leonhart. You're losing it._

"Eh, nothing's wrong," Cloud replied dully, before quickly changing the subject. "Yuffie called you 'Squall'... why were you so mad at her?"

Now it was Leon's turn to look away. "My name, my birth name, was Squall Leonhart," he began. "But when my world was destroyed by the Heartless - when my best friend was taken from me - and my..." He stopped a moment, and Cloud could see a tear roll down his cheek, followed by another, and another, "...my... someone very, very special to me... the Squall Leonhart of the past ceased to exist. I wished never to remember the evils Fate unleashed upon my life."

_Open up your mind_

_Let your fantasies unwind_

_In this darkness that you know_

_You cannot fight_

_In the darkness of the music of the night_

Cloud placed a hand on Leon's shoulder to comfort him. Leon's sobs quickly subsided, but Cloud found he did not want to lift his hand. It took every bit of willpower he had not to leave it on Leon's shoulder. _What am I doing... why do I feel this way?_ he asked himself silently, but could not think of any answer, nor any reason to defy his feelings, either.

_Let your mind start a journey to a strange new world_

_Leave all thoughts of the life you knew before_

Leon shivered, his teeth slightly chattering. Silently, Cloud scooted closer to him, prompting a blush from both - but a reason for the blush from neither. Nor did either see the other's blush, they were too busy trying to hide their own.

_Let your soul take you where you want to be_

_Only then can you belong to me_

Leon and Cloud, both recovered from their blushing spell, looked toward each other. Neither said anything, both of them silently enjoying the other's company.

_Floating, falling, sweet intoxication_

_Touch me, trust me, savor each sensation_

_Let the dream begin_

_Let your darker side give in_

An unconscious decision, they both began to lean towards each other - so slowly that neither realized his own or the other's movement.

_To the power of the music that I write,_

_The power of the music of the night_

Before they realized their close proximity, they were no more than a couple of inches away from one another. In a sudden, lust-filled movement, both moved towards each other and their lips met.

_You alone can make my song take flight..._

_Help me... make... the music... of the night..._

* * *

Well, I think I'll stop it there, bwahaha. When writing this it felt really romantic, but... after reading it it feels much more morbid than romantic, at least until the end. I really believe that "Music of the Night" from _The Phantom of the Opera_ is the perfect song for LeonxCloud... the only bad thing about me using it here is the fact that now I can't do a one-shot LeonxCloud fluff using Music of the Night :P

For those uber-fans of _The Phantom of the Opera_, you might have noticed that I minisculely changed a few lines, such as the original line "The darkness of the music of the night," which I changed to "In the darkness of the music of the night". Those changes were merely because _I_ thought the song sounded better with them in there XD

Now that I come to think of it, this chapter probably would have been very different (as in, less description and more kissing!) if I had chosen a different song, or no song at all. With "Music of the Night", I deliberately tied together the song and the fic, with such weak ties as "_Turn your face away/From the garish light of day_" with "Leon turned towards Cloud", and such ties that I absolutely love, like "_Softly, deftly, music will caress you/Hear it, feel it, secretly possess you_" and Leon's definitely-poetic description of Cloud. I hid a whole bunch of those in plain sight... it's one of the only reasons I read (and now, write) songfics, simply because it is so descriptive if you're not looking for it, and so plain if you are. I love it!

On a final note, it took me an hour-and-a-half to write this whole thing (NOT including the Author's Notes at the beginning of the end). Shows how difficult romance is to write, now I respect so much more such Romance greats as Uzumaki-sama, author of _Stygian Solace_ and _A Complete 180_ (both are M-rated SoraxRiku fics that have been posted on this site).

PLEASE remember to review, I'm going for 30 more reviews in 10-or-so more Parts, remember?


	11. Part 11

Heh, this is the closest to a lemon I've ever written. It's still barely a lime, though :P

**I am officially stating that from this chapter (technically, last chapter :P), the fic will be more Romance/Drama-with-a-hint-of-Fantasy-and-an-average-or-more-amount-of-Humor than Humor/Fantasy.** However, I'm leaving the Humor/Fantasy genre on the summary, because the first half of the fic is Humor/Fantasy. If you don't like Romance/Drama, you can stop right now :P

* * *

The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies

Part XI - Get A Room!

* * *

_Boom._

Riku awoke with a start to this sound.

_Boom._

It took him a few minutes to realize that the rocks that had fallen from the ceiling were being pushed away, as if by...

"Merlin?" Riku asked. "Is that you?"

"Unless you wish to call me by some other name," the wizard replied from the other side of the rock wall. Riku could hear the sound of him moving the rocks with his magic. "Don't worry, I'll have you out soon. Aerith and Yuffie are already out and safe in my house, and then I'll get Leon and Cloud." He whistled cheerfully.

A few seconds later - for the magic didn't take very long to move the rocks - Merlin had completely destroyed the rock wall and had moved on to the last wall, between them and Leon and Cloud.

As he began to use his magic to lift boulders, Riku expected Leon or Cloud - probably Cloud, since Leon wasn't often talkative - to say something, or make some kind of sign that they had heard. But there was nothing.

Riku scratched his head. "They must be sleeping."

As the last (and biggest, by far - completely obstructing Riku's view of inside that portion of the cave) boulder shifted, Riku's jaw completely dropped in shock. Leon and Cloud lay on the floor, both half-nude and kissing passionately. (Leon was on top, of course.)

"Wha... wha... what are you two _doing_?" Riku asked amazedly.

They both turned their heads toward Riku, and a deep crimson blush crept across their cheeks. Leon silently stood up and retrieved his missing shirt and jacket, while Cloud scrambled embarassedly toward his own shirt and cape. Luckily (at least, for Riku), they had not gotten far enough for any other articles of clothing to be missing.

"We... uh... er..." Cloud mumbled incoherently. "We were... we..."

"You were making out," Riku chuckled. "You've only known each other for a day and you're already making out!"

Cloud blushed crimson again, but Leon seemed not to hear, or at least not to care. "Let's go," he said calmly, walking past Riku and Merlin.

"What the..." Merlin mumbled. "Kids today!"

Riku and Merlin turned back to go into Merlin's house, while Cloud stayed behind laggardly, obviously embarrassed.

* * *

As the group shuffled into Merlin's house, Riku vaguely noticed Leon and Cloud glancing at each other, much more than usual, as well as there beinga certain shine in their eyes that he was sure hadn't been there the day before.

"What should we do now?" Merlin asked the group. "I can't think of anything in particular that needs to be done..."

"Perhaps we could stay in Traverse Town," Riku suggested. "You know, just until something comes up."

"Cloud can stay at my house," Leon said quickly. "And... I guess you can too, Riku."

"Great! So that settled, now let's have some tea!" Merlin exclaimed, apparently trying to change the subject. He quickly waved his hand, making a teapot and a few cups animate themselves and pour cups for everyone. "Oh, no... we're one cup short."

"Leon can share with me," Cloud offered.

After the group finished their tea (Leon and Cloud sharing kisses as they sipped), they left Merlin's house into the Third District. Aerith and Yuffie both had houses in the Third District, so by the time they got into the Second District, it was just Riku, Leon, and Cloud.

"Here we are," Leon announced, letting go of Cloud's hand to walk ahead and pull the key out of his pocket. By the time he unlocked the door, Cloud was to the door; Riku was the only one of them maintaining a normal pace.

As Cloud walked through the door, Leon followed him, leaving Riku to close the door himself, rather than be courteous and close the door for Riku. "Rude," Riku mumbled under his breath.

"I only have two rooms," Leon said, trying to appear to be solving a problem. "Er... Riku, you can sleep in the guest room. And Cloud, you'll have to sleep in my room." He winked at Cloud, thinking that Riku wasn't watching. "Riku, why don't you go get the guest room ready? The sheets for the bed and all are in the closet."

Riku complied reluctantly, realizing that even Leon and Cloud would need some "quiet time". By the time he was done, it was already late in the afternoon. He walked into the kitchen, intending to start making supper.

But then, when Riku opened the door, he saw that Leon and Cloud were making out again. "Ugh, get a room!" Riku exclaimed, turning around. _I'll get takeout if it means not having to put up with them making out every two seconds_, he thought.

* * *

Late that night, Riku sat watching MTV. Leon and Cloud had retired to their room early in the evening ("to do some things," Cloud had said) and it was now very late, probably close to midnight.

Riku yawned deeply and realized the time; he turned off the TV and headed straight for his room (which was right next to Leon's... _Oh joy, such a peaceful night it'll be_, Riku thought sarcastically) but stopped by Leon's door when he heard a crash. _What are they DOING in there!_ he thought. He was about to open the door when he heard Cloud moan - long, deep, and lustfully - and decided that he'd rather not know. He was about to go back into his room when he thought he saw a small shadow, darker than the rest of the shadows, creep out from under their door and disappear onto the ceiling. _Must be a trick of the light_, Riku thought sleepily, and headed to bed.

* * *

Heh, I just realized that there are actually _two_ limes in here :P For the next chapter (or perhaps the one after, I'm not sure how I'm gonna write it until I actually do) the plot actually demands that I write a mid-to-moderate-or-more lime. Luckily, it will be from Riku's (disgusted) point of view, so I won't have to go into any detail whatsoever :P

**hurkydoesntknow:** Yep, you're definitely my most faithful reviewer

**ShimaGenki:** See note at top :P

**Vera-chan aka Arwen:** Yep. _Nightmare Before Christmas_ is my fave all-time movie, and did you know that Tim Burton is doing a new movie (by the name of _Corpse Bride_) to be released 9-23-05? Yay!

Word Count (Story): 15922

Word Count (Chapter): 1193

Review Count (Story): 23

Hits (Story): 722

Favorites List (Story): 6

Alerts List (Story): 4


	12. Part 12

This is not so much a full-fledged Part than a little explanation chapter, setting up for the big mid-to-moderate lime in the next chapter :P

* * *

The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies

Part XII - Shadows in the Night

* * *

The next morning, Riku was already awake, drinking coffee, when Leon and Cloud stumbled into the kitchen/dining room, both walking with a bit of difficulty.

"Nice night?" Riku muttered sarcastically.

"Hope we didn't keep you up," Cloud yawned.

"Don't worry," Riku replied. "I _never_ get to sleep until 3 A.M."

"Sarcastic little angel this morning, aren't you?" Leon muttered.

"You brought it upon yourself," Riku replied, mock-cheerfully. "Ow!" he added, for Leon had just bonked him on the head with a frozen waffle.

* * *

That night, moaning and banging again rang through the house. While going back to his room from another late-night television marathon, Riku thought he saw another shadow. But he disregarded it again.

This pattern repeated for a few weeks until Riku was so sure that he was awake when he saw these shadows that he couldn't think it was a mere trick of the light. And after a while, he noticed that the shadows always appeared a few seconds after a long, lustful moan, the cause of which Riku certainly didn't want to think about.

"Say, have you noticed anything... weird happening lately?" Riku asked them one afternoon.

"Weird? Like what?" Cloud asked, curious.

Choosing his words carefully, Riku continued. "I've noticed some... strange things happening."

"Like what?" Cloud asked again.

"Every night, there's been a... shadow-like thing on the walls, moving around. But it's darker than all the other shadows. And as far as I've seen, it only happens when you two are... _alone_."

"..." Leon mumbled. "Whatever." He obviously thought Riku was joking.

"I'm serious, Leon," Riku said indignantly.

"Just your way of disapproving of us," Leon replied curtly.

"Leon," Cloud said, somehow sounding commanding and comforting at the same time, "you need to calm down."

"I suppose so," Leon replied. "Sorry, Riku." And he left the room, leaving Cloud and Riku alone.

"_Are_ you serious?" Cloud asked.

"Of course! What, you think I'm just making this up!" Riku exclaimed.

"It's just... strange," Cloud replied coolly. "Difficult to believe."

"Hmmph," Riku said. "I'm telling the truth."

"I believe you," Cloud reassured him. "I'm just not sure Leon does." He turned toward the door and walked away, probably to comfort Leon again.

* * *

Yep, we finally have a plot! Yay, woo-hoo, hooray!

**hurkydoesntknow:** Corpse Bride is gonna be awesome. I think by then the fic will probably be finished, but I'm not sure :P

**FullofYami:** I lurv LeonxCloud too, yay!

I'm also trying to decide whether after this I want to work solely on my Tales of Symphonia story, _Saif Al Jabbar_, and my Harry Potter story, _Another_, or to write a LeonxCloud story, too. And yes, that means this fic is almost done! I believe we have... lemme think... er... three or four Parts left. The big mid-to-moderate lime, another setup chapter, an actiony-type chapter, and (possibly) an epilogue. But I may merge the setup chapter with the lime chapter, or with the actiony-type chapter. It all depends, heh heh.

* * *

Word Count (Chapter): 557

Word Count (Story): 16,508

Review Count (Story): 25

Hits (Story): 764

Faves List (Story): 6

Alert List (Story): 4

Faves List (Author): 3

Alert List (Author): 3


	13. Part 13

...And now, for the mid-to-moderate lime. It would be a full-fledged lemon if it weren't for Riku's perspective :P But, either way, it's citrus. (Gotta love the word "citrus"!)

In fact, I'm wondering if this Part merits an "M" rating or not... I think, probably not, I've seen worse "T"-rated fics.

* * *

The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies

Part XIII - Disgusting!

* * *

After a few minutes, Riku followed Cloud, hoping to calm Leon's nerves and figure out a way to confirm or unconfirm his suspicions. But they were nowhere to be found in the living room, nor in the hallway... there was only one place left for them to go, and Riku was sure of exactly _how_ Cloud was comforting Leon.

As if to validate their location, a long moan emanated from Leon's bedroom: "Leooooooooooooooooooooon..."

Riku shook his head disapprovingly and stood across from their bedroom door, hoping to catch their attention once they were finished. But about fifteen, perhaps twenty minutes later, the door swung open, probably from a combination of the facts that Leon and Cloud had forgotten to jamb the door shut, that the closing mechanism in the door was very weak, and that a particularly potent gust of wind had just blown through the open window across the hall from the door.

Even though he only saw them for a split-second (he quickly placed his hand in front of his eyes), Riku was, to say the least, disgusted by the sight. A split-second later, Leon moaned into the small of Cloud's back.

"Are you done?" Riku asked, slightly opening his fingers enough to see their faces, to see if they had even heard him. But instead, he caught a glimpse of where they were... er... _connected_, and he saw the strangest sight: a dark shadow flitted out from that spot and crept along the floor, running toward the door. "Ugh," Riku retched. "Well, now I know why I thought I was seeing those shadows. They really exist." He turned to Leon and Cloud, with his hand still over his eyes. "Get dressed, you two. We've got a mystery to solve."

* * *

"So... the shadows come into existence when you two..." Riku trailed off meaningfully. He, Leon, and Cloud were sitting in the kitchen trying to work out the mystery. "Exactly how often have you..."

"It's been about... I dunno, eight, nine weeks?" Cloud asked. "Then... that's around 60 days... so probably around 65, maybe even seventy or ei-"

"A lot," Leon cut off Cloud before he could reveal the exact amount. "So we're looking at dozens of these shadow things!"

"Probably," replied Riku gravely. "And we don't know where they are, if they're intelligent, whether they're good or evil... anything about them."

"I need some fresh air," Cloud said, standing up and walking to the door. "This is confusing me."

"It's confusing us, too," Leon replied, following him.

Cloud and Leon both stopped after opening the door, their mouths open in shock. Riku, curious, followed them (remembering to close the door) and his mouth fell open as well.

The dark shadows resulting from Leon and Cloud's lovemaking had grown into one huge shadow that was now growing at an alarming rate. Tentacles of darkness slithered out of it and grabbed citizens, squeezing them in a dark embrace. After a few seconds, the tentacle would retreat back into the shadow, unfortunate man, woman or child still in its grasp, letting the shadow slowly sap the life out of the person.

"That thing's... eating up everyone!" Cloud exclaimed in a panic.

The gigantic shadow seemed to hear Cloud's cry, and turned toward him, Leon, and Riku. _Himhimhimhimhimhimhimhim**him**_, Riku could hear the shadow say, though through his mind rather than his ears. Cloud ran toward the monster, pulling out his gigantic sword. **(1)** The dark shadow, however, merely extended a tentacle and grabbed Cloud. And with that, it flew off the ground ("What the f---... it's f---in' _flyin'_!" Cid could be heard shouting) and retreated into the afternoon sky.

"Gummi ship... we need to get to the gummi ship," Riku panted, running towards Cid's shop, quickly followed by Leon. "We need to follow it and destroy it..."

"And rescue Cloud," Leon added angrily.

* * *

**(1)** No, no, not _that_ sword:P It's that sword that he has in KH, with the bandages or gauze or whatever-its-called around it :)

* * *

Well, now it's officially official... there is ONE CHAPTER LEFT (two, if I decide that it needs an Epilogue). Fear not, since I have a plot in the back of my mind for (:coughandhavealreadystartedwriting:) a fic that centers around Leon and Cloud... not a sequel to this, but a fluffy-ish one with LeonxCloud as the main pairing.

Included in the final Part will be, probably in order:

-An introduction  
-The actual final Part  
-Some projects I will be working on after completing "Crazies"  
-Some other fics I recommend, including filter settings to find them quickly  
-Et cetera :P

This was actually another of the shorter-yet-important Parts. But I **promise** that the final Part will be quite long. Perhaps even more than the length of Part II (the longest part to date), although I can't guarantee. And (gasp!) in it I will solve many mysteries which most of you don't think qualify as mysteries, such as "What happened to (enter character here)?" or "Will the author ever confess his authorness?", etc etc. :P

And now, since the fic is (I still have a hard time saying this) almost done (cry), I won't be able to hit my goal of 50 reviews, 750 hits, etc etc. But oh well, I'll just try and get a lot of reviews, hits, etc on one of my other stories! (Yes, I'm an optimist :P)

And... and... _I'M HAVING TROUBLE FINISHING THIS PART BECAUSE I CAN'T LET GO_::cry:


	14. Part Final with Epilogue

I... can't... believe... it... as of the posting of this chapter, this fic will be officially **complete**. Shocking.

* * *

The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies 

Part XIV - The End... Or Is It!

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Riku and Leon were in the Gummi ship, blasting off into the unknown menace outside Traverse Town. The giant shadow continued to fly away, but now that they were out of the town it seemed more to be teasing. 

Suddenly, a rather large asteroid came flying toward them. "Left!" Leon commanded.

"I _know_ how to drive a Gummi ship, Leon," Riku replied dryly, leaning left to avoid the asteroid. However, the asteroid completely stopped in midair, making the maneuver unnecessary.

"That's... strange," Leon commented. "Hey, what's that?" He pointed at a speck of color on the asteroid.

"Let's see," Riku said, maneuvering the ship toward the speck.

* * *

Riku carefully landed the Gummi ship on the asteroid's surface, immediately jumping out of the ship and running toward the speck on the horizon; Leon quickly followed suit. 

As the speck became larger and larger, Riku could see the gigantic shadow circling it, sunken into the surface of the asteroid, much the same as Shadows and Neoshadows had the ability to.

"Hey Riku..." Leon said, "Does that speck look like..."

Riku saw it too. He rubbed his eyes, fearing that it might be the truth, but...

"Yes, it is me!" a voice chuckled. By now Riku and Leon had arrived a mere few feet away from the figure sitting on the throne.

"No... No... It can't be!" Riku said, trying to reassure himself.

"Ah, but it is," the figure said. "When the author completely forgot about me, I was lost and abandoned, sentenced to oblivion... but now I am back, and shall destroy the author and all who ally themselves with him!"

"Psha," Riku psshed. "The author is immortal... and possibly insane, but that's another story."

"NOBODY calls me insane... except myself!" boomed the author, who once again manifested himself as a giant hand and flicked Riku into the figure, knocking down the throne and landing Riku uncomfortably close to the person.

"Actually, Mr. Author Person, you're writing this. So technically, you DID call yourself insane, Riku didn't," Leon said.

"You... you... if not for my love of the LeonxCloud pairing, you'd be in extreme pain right now," the author threatened.

"..." Leon mumbled something inaudible under his breath, picked up Riku, and headed back toward the Gummi ship. "Riku, I think you hurt him pretty badly, maybe even killed him. He'd be crazy if he were to try and hurt anybody again."

"But..." Riku murmured, gazing back at the person. "It's... Sora..."

* * *

Epilogue: And Everything Was Alright... Or Was It?

* * *

And of course, Leon and Cloud lived happily ever after in Traverse Town. Cid quit smoking (but he didn't quite kick his drinking habit, to the distress of everyone in Traverse Town). Yuffie died- er- _moved to a rock out in the middle of nowhere_ because she got too annoying for anybody to bear anymore. 

Riku lived in Traverse Town, where (if not for the small chance of a possible sequel to this story) he would have lived miserably and alone with only the company of twenty-seven cats, making a living by writing plays, all of which bear an uncanny resemblance to his life. Needless to say, the plays would not have sold well.

Sora, of course, WAS crazy, and so because of that a sequel might happen. If not, then assume that he went so crazy that he tried to eat a boulder, got it lodged in his throat, and suffocated, starved, and died of dehydration, all at the same time.

And everyone lived happily ever after, except of course those who didn't. The End... or is it?

* * *

And so, as I promised you, now I have some little bonus materials. Mostly to get the word count for this chapter up, but don't tell anyone else that! 

**My Current and Future Projects**

First of all is my fic "Saif Al Jabbar", which is a _Tales of Symphonia_ Romance/Action/Adventure story. It focuses on the SheenaxLloyd pairing, and is really an attempt at an epic, although it will probably burn out after a dozen or so chapters.

Another of my projects is, appropriately, titled "Another". It's the story of a fourth kid in Harry's clique in Hogwarts, set in J. K. Rowling's Harry Potter world. I've got the story through PS/SS planned out, and slightly begun, although major proofreading and editing will be needed before it actually sounds good.

I may - keyword, MAY - be writing a sequel to "The Crazies and the Loonies and the... Other Crazies". If I do, it will be a RikuxSora fic that will end up being a really weird combination of Humor/Romance/Action/Adventure/Drama/etc etc. You can see why I say MAY.

I'm working on maybe two or three oneshots that may or may not ever make it into FF . net... it really depends on whether I decide to post them or not.

And last but probably MOST, I am writing an epic story based on Kingdom Hearts and Kingdom Hearts 2, in which the main character is neither Sora nor Riku, but an Earth boy called Tatsujin Kirareigen. I'm not intending to reveal much about this until I actually get the first chapter posted, but I will say that Earth is destroyed spectacularly in the first chapter, quite parallel to the way Destiny Islands were destroyed in the original Kingdom Hearts.

**Fics I Recommend**

First of all you should look in my Favorites list, and those are all quite good. My Alerts list is the best of the best, but I'm not entirely sure that anyone but me can see my alert list.

There are quite a good many fics I love on AdultFanFiction . Net, but I can't hyperlink on FF . net, and even if I could I'd probably get banned for linking to an "adult" site, so I'll just say that IF you can go there you should look in the Tales of Symphonia, Kingdom Hearts, and Harry Potter sections. Most of the fics there are quite good, especially (cough cough) those rated NC-17. :)

**The End... For Now**

Alas, it is but the end of my sad tale of the unrequited love of Riku for Sora. Or... something like that. :)

Anyways, ta ta for now. I'll be back, with more fics than before! Keep me on your Author Alerts list, it not only boosts my self-esteem to help me write, but it also lets you know when I post a new chapter or story. :)

Darn... only around a thousand words. Oh, well, I guess it's better than having less than a thousand. And besides, at least now I'll be able to easily include more words per chapter than I did in this chapter. And I'm shamelessly using this space to increase the word count for this chapter, because I DON'T WANT THIS FIC TO END!


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